


For the Girl in the Band

by Holyaqua



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:14:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25719403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holyaqua/pseuds/Holyaqua
Summary: Crystal is a small-town girl who hates anything that isn't home. Gigi is the lead singer of a currently touring indie rock band. When Crystal finds herself concussed, on board the tour bus, and all caught up in Gigi's playboy drama, she develops feelings she has no idea what to do with (.So, this fic has been the bane of my life for about two weeks but I’m happy to say I’ve decided to post as crygi to avoid offending Aquaria and to give myself more time to make edits. I want to say thank you for the support I’ve gotten again, and apologise to those who have left me messages that I haven’t gotten back to you! Thanks, everyone, i’m so happy!)
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

Crystal isn’t the biggest fan of concerts to begin with. She had never entertained them before that night when Jan begged and pleaded at her door step to come. One Night in Miami, the event had been called and Crystal could not have dreamed for anything less. One night was far too long to spend around that many people, around that much loud music. One minute she was stood in the hallway of her parents’ house in a nightgown and slippers, and the next she was wearing an unbreathable black dress stood at the bar and gripping onto Jan for dear life. It had all happened so fast, persuaded by the notion that Crystal always missed out on things because she was far too lazy to attend. Jan could not have been more different than the young Brunette , thriving independently from social interaction and living on her own two miles away on the outside of Seattle. They had only been friends because Crystal drove to pick her friend up from a party that Jan happened to be at. She threw up in the back of Crystal’s car on the other friends lap and slept in Crystal’s bed. They’d been there for each other ever since. All of this had more than lead up to the night of the concert, the night that would change Jan and Crystal’s lives forever, and the night that would ensure nothing was ever the same again.

“So, why are we here?”

“We’re here to see Excalibur.”

“I don’t know who that is.” Crystal sighed, taking her drink from Jan. “What’s this?”

“Doesn’t matter, Crystal, stop with the questions.” Jan gently touched her friends face. It saddened her that Crystal had to be forced to enjoy herself but saddened her even more that Crystal had not long entered her twenties and had no memories, and no stories to tell.

“You look so pretty.” Jan smiled. “Just enjoy your night.”

Crystal sighed and looked back out into the crowd she had just came from. Everyone had already grouped together at the centre of the stage, all sweaty and congregated. It wasn’t her place to be here, she thought, suddenly experiencing another calling for home.

“There’s a band on tonight I think you’d like.” Jan suddenly brought up, pulling out the concert flier. She un-crumpled the piece of paper that had been in her jacket pocket for days and pointed at a name that stood tall directly in the middle of the page.

“The Campers?” She asked.

“Yeah. They’re kind of indie punk.” Jan replied. “I think you’d like them a lot.”

This did not increase Crystal’s desire to stay even microscopically. Her drink tasted like gasoline and the chanting had begun. The smaller woman leant her head on Jan’s shoulder and sighed again.

“Come on, beautiful.” The woman chuckled, snaking one arm around Crystal’s waist. “try and enjoy your night. After this, we can go Chic Fil A.”

This notion held Crystal over the night until they had pushed themselves the front of the venue and managed to grasp on for dear life at the barrier. Jan had been dancing and enjoying herself with every other person in the entire world that night, and Crystal supposed she felt more alone than ever. It felt like the room was divided, and she was on whatever side was having less fun and only wanted to go home.

“Hey, Cris!” Jan shouted down the girl’s ear. “It’s that band you wanted to see!”

Crystal, who had been moping over the barrier like a small scolded dog, glanced up to see a black-haired woman fill the stage with her band and a small stand of guitars. Suddenly, she stood correctly and was interested. Suddenly, she cared. This girl, whose looks the whole band could rely on, was the most beautiful person Crystal had ever seen. She was a tallish build, with a long, dark face that was both handsome as it was delicate. And the way she carried herself, Crystal could not believe everyone in the room that night wasn’t there just to see her.

“You guys are fucking beautiful.” She moaned into the mic. Her voice was deep and raspy, and sounded to Crystal the way kisses felt. It was not often she was affected by someone, but it was easy to say that she was simply enthralled by the woman before her. Everything about her just filled the room. “We are The Campers.”

The music she played didn’t matter much to Crystal. It was enough to watch her dance around the stage and strum on her purple guitar, breathing her words and giving the crowd what they came for.

“I wanna see you go all kind of crazy tonight.” she breathed again, gripping the mic with her left hand and keeping the neck of her guitar in her right. Crystal had heard about the phenomenon many times before, how you can see someone and know your life is going to be different forever. She never imagined it would be like this, however, with thousands of different people but feeling like the only person in the entire world.

The train of thought Crystal had created in her mind about the mystery that danced and swayed in front of her was cut short when Jan grappled her arm. The larger woman even leapt out to her side in an attempt to stabilise the small girl, but it was already much too late. Crystal had already taken the punch to the face and was lying flat on the ground, wondering what just happened. She didn’t remember much from that point, only the pattern on the stars in the night sky and the vague sense of throbbing around her temples and nose. All of this clouded her memory, along with Jan’s pleading to make room.

“Crystal, are you okay?” She heard over the screech of the crowd. “Oh God, she’s bleeding! Get security! Get someone, fucking quickly!”

“Is she okay?” Gigi had stopped the show and had since climbed up onto a speaker to see out into the crowd. She would be lying if she said she had not noticed the girl standing in the group of dancing maniacs, doing not much but standing still. She was pretty, yes, but was even more pretty now with her nose bloody and tears on her face.

“Get her out!’ The taller girl screamed from the stage. “Get her out! Make some fucking room, get her out!”

The small Brunette , faint as she was, was easily hoisted over the shoulder of the barrier security and was dragged away, pushed and shoved through four different large men.

“Hey!” Gigi shouted again. “Don’t push her. She’s fucking hurt. No-one gets treated like that at my shows.”

The dark-haired girl stepped down off the speaker in time to see Crystal walk in the arms of much taller man into the under area of the stage. She was left in the remnants of the girl’s presence, wondering if she was alright and wondering if she would ever see her again in equal amounts.

With Jan back in the crowd, Gigi tried to let the moment go and tried to keep up her act. She persisted with the fact that she had done all she could do and the girl just off hand would be fine. The images of the girl she had just saved consumed her, she had been so beautiful and so concerning. Her disorientated face as she had been yanked from her surroundings. It was all Gigi could think about. She couldn’t play, and she couldn’t even think about her words. So much of that room was Crystal now.

“Gigi!” Heidi spoke through gritted teeth, prancing over with her guitar in hand. “You’re fucking everything up for us. What’s going on with you?”

“Heidi, I gotta cut this short. I’m sorry.” Gigi covered her microphone and ducked under her guitar, placing it on the floor.

“Gigi, stop!” Heidi shouted for her as she ran off, waving to the crowd. She knew the band would have no idea what to do without her, and to be honest, Gigi had no idea what she was doing either, driven entirely by passion.

“Woah, woah, Gigi.” a man leapt from the wing and grappled the woman who immediately struggled to be free. “You’re supposed to be on stage.”

Gigi didn’t even look to see who it was holding her down, knowing that each second she was stood back there was another second of this mysterious girl slipping through her fingers.

“I need to see that girl that just left. Let me go.”

“I’m sorry, you’re booked to perform for another half hour. You need to finish the set.” He came again.

“Let me do what I’m fucking doing.” She shook him off with force and barged her way across the stage, letting everyone in a small radius knowing she had something to do and somewhere to be. Crystal stood at the very corner of the backstage area alone, and when Gigi caught sight of her, the entire world stopped around her. The whole world reduced to that room, and to that moment. Gigi earnestly had no other intentions in the world.

“Hey.” She smiled, gently as not to startle the girl. “I saw you get pretty bashed up before. Are you doing okay?”

“Were you the one that hit me?”

“No.” Gigi chuckled. “I was performing, actually. I didn’t think I could let you go home without a sincere apology.”

“Oh.” Crystal sniffled, moving the bloody tissue under her nose. “Well, I’m okay. I’m apparently concussed, whatever that means. I don’t think I got hit that hard.”

“Your bloody face says different.” Gigi shoved her hands into her pockets, only to have to remove them quickly to catch Crystal as she gently stumbled forward.

“I feel a little dizzy.”

The brunette smelt like vanilla and good ideas, Gigi thought. There was the immediate impression that when she wasn’t suffering a head injury, she was a sensible girl who looked after her friends, and who had no idea how to act without them.

“Come on, let’s get you some fresh air.”

For years after this incident occurred, Crystal was more than glad that her concussion was all she could think about. If she’d have put any thought to the way Gigi was holding her, the way she kept touching her by accident as they walked side by side, the world would’ve fell apart around her.

Gigi had lead Crystal outside to the smoking area where no one was stood, and where the flood lights held remnants of cigarettes long smoked and conversations long had. The small brunette took her designated space on the little wall, feeling sickness wash over in two separate waves. She had no idea what time it was, or what time it had been when she arrived, but did know that the sky had long turned black and the night was coming alive with a strange elegance. She could feel this even through her illness.

“Here, let me get that.” Gigi sat on the floor with a cigarette in one hand, reaching for Crystal’s bloody tissue with the other.

“You smoke?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Crystal replied, making Gigi giggle. “What’s your name?”

“Gigi.”

“That’s a strange name. Is it real? like from your parents?” “Yes, it’s real.” Gigi laughed again. “What’s your name?” “Crystal.”

“That’s a really pretty name.” Gigi suddenly sat up on her knees to be closer to the girl’s face. Her eyes were deep set into her circular face, and her cheekbones were set high. She looked like a model under the lights, Gigi thought, and nothing was nearly as pretty as she was right now.

“Thank you.” Crystal sighed, allowing one of her hands to rub her temple. “It was the most common name in Seattle the year I was born.”

“Oh, so you’re from these parts?” “Yes. You’re familiar?”

“With Seattle?” Gigi questioned, removing the tissue from under Crystal’s nose. “You should be alright now. Yeah, I would say so. I’ve been a couple of times with this band, a little more with the last.”

“The last?” “Well, before this whole thing, it was just me and Heidi in my dad’s basement, travelling back and forth between Seattle and Pennsylvania to do local shows.”

Crystal noted how Gigi’s eyes lit up when she was talking about her band, and how noticeably from the outside she loved what she did.

“That’s really interesting.”

“it’s a fine fact.” Gigi watched as Crystal tried to remove the dry blood from across her face, probably wondering how it had gotten there in the first place. “So, tell me, Crystal, what do you do?”

“I recently quit my job.” She sniffled. She felt disgusting, honestly. But Gigi was looking at her with such delicate precision that was undeniably comforted by the moment they were sharing. “I was a secretary. A secretary to the CEO of a clothing company. It was bad, and I wanted to have the best summer of my life, so I quit.” “Sounds like a bold move for a girl like you.” Gigi rested back on the wall.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Crystal gently shoved Gigi’s shoulder in a giggle.

“Nothing.” Gigi smiled. “You seem very reserved. Even before when we were on stage, you weren’t dancing round like your friend….uhm…” “Jan?” Crystal asked.

“Yeah, I think so.’ “She’s a lot livelier than I am.” Crystal sighed again, as if she had faced this occurrence many times before, and as if she was about to have Gigi ask for Jan’s phone number instead. “We’re very different people.” “You don’t see yourself that way?”

“I’ve never told anyone this before, but I envy Jan for everything she has ever been.” Crystal watched her fidgeting hands writhe about her lap. “She says everything right and could have anything or anyone she wanted out of life. She’s beautiful, and she’s charismatic. I would kill to be like her.”

“Hey.” Gigi smiled softly. She clambered back up onto her knees between Crystal’s legs, and moved a strand out of hair out of her eyes. “You’re a lovely girl, Crystal. I think you have more than enough charisma to get what you want out of life, who you want out life.”

“I feel like I’ve known you my entire life.” Crystal accidentally sighed, in the intensity of the room. They would have kissed, as the universe no doubt had planned, if Heidi had no abruptly swung the door open and sighed at the girls who sat no more than four meters away.

“Hello stranger.” “Hey, Heidi.” Gigi coughed, getting to her feet. “Good show?”

“Shut up, Gigi, you asshole.” The other woman laughed. “Come on. It’s tour bus time.”

“Wait, Gigi.” The Brunette suddenly grabbed for the other woman’s hand. “Don’t go. Stay in Seattle with me.”

Gigi chuckled looking at the girl who clung onto her hand as if her life depended on it. She wasn’t one for settling down, and perhaps it was the strange turn the night had taken, but it is Gigi’s largest regret that she did not agree to stay in Seattle that night. Things could have been so different for both of them.

“You know I can’t do that.” She laughed.

“Bring her with. We can just drop her off tomorrow. God knows we’ve got enough time on our hands.” Heidi butted in, crossing her arms and leaning in the doorway. It was not often Crystal got chances like this and was ready to cling to anything that gave her the idea of joy.

“Don’t walk away without me.”

“Okay, Crystal, come on.” The taller girl pulled up her smaller component and began to walk back through the building. “Do you need to call someone? Jan? Your parents?”

“No.” Crystal answered. “They trust me.”

“One night with ‘The Campers’.” Heidi chuckled. “We could have sold something like that in the newspapers.”

The tour bus sat cool in the parking lot of the venue. It was nothing like Crystal had ever seen before in her life. She had heard about things like this in magazines, and in books, but never imagined it could be happening to her on a Thursday night in the middle of her hometown.

“Mind your step, sweetheart.” Gigi kept tight hold of the Brunette ’s hand as Crystal followed Heidi up the steps and onto the bus. The sad knowledge that she would have to go home tomorrow, and the pair would be left on a light romance brought the night to its bittersweet ends.

“Jackie, Widow.” Heidi announced as the shorter girl stumbled aboard the bus. “This is Crystal, Gigi’s new wife for the evening. She got punched in the face and now Gigi is indebted to her forever.

“Heidi, shut up.” Gigi snapped, playfully. “She had nowhere to go and I couldn’t leave her at the venue.”

“And I have a concussion.” Crystal interrupted, causing Jackie to stifle a laugh from her position on the couch just diagonal.

“And she has a concussion.” Gigi repeated. “I think we’re ready for bed.”

“You do this every tour.” Jackie sighed. “I give it less than twenty four hours.”

“I’m being helpful.” Gigi excused, pushing Crystal through to the bedroom just in time to not hear the other girls reply to the statement. Her room was messy, and her bed unmade, but the current state Crystal was in had Gigi believing that she couldn’t have cared less, and just wanted tonight to be over.

“If you need me, I’ll just be on the couch outside.” She watched the girl clamber into the bedsheets without hesitation. Gigi’s heart was beating out her chest just watching her, she began to wonder if everyone else on the bus could hear it thumping her ribcage down.

“Gigi?” The brunette came quietly, just as the other girl was ready to leave the room.

“Yes?” “Thank you for saving my life.” “I wouldn’t go that far.” Gigi laughed.

“Just say you’re welcome and stop interrupting my sleep.”

“Okay. You’re welcome. I’m sorry.” She held back a laugh and left the room, leaving Crystal sound asleep in her bed. That night, Gigi couldn’t remove the thoughts of Crystal. They stained her entire thought process, and left her there, on the middle of a tour bus at 4am on a Friday morning, just begging for something more to come of it, even if no one around her believed it was going to last.


	2. Ch2

Crystal awoke the next morning to the smell of food filling the room. In all honesty, she had no idea where she was, indicated to conclusion only by the photo on the nightstand. Here, Gigi sat curled into the lap of a familiar face Crystal had no doubt met the night before. She was sat making stupid faces at the camera but was still so beautiful that the butterflies in Crystal’s stomach could barely handle it. It was without a doubt the perfect picture, and the brunette just about resisted tucking it into her bag for keeps. She couldn’t say she was exactly clear on what had happened that fateful night, or what was happening now but could be certain on one thing. Gigi. The name rang in her head like alarm bells, or the siren just outside of a lighthouse. Gigi. Gigi. Gigi. What a name. What a girl. Crystal could remember immediately every single good thing about her. The way her eyes lit up when she got excited, or the way she made the stage her own when she wanted to. Everything about her was beautiful, and Crystal could feel that all around her.

Gigi watched in feigned anticipation as Crystal poked her head around the door to see the living area of the tour bus. Here, the taller girl slaved over breakfast as she had not done since the last time a girl had graced the tour bus with her temporary presence.

“Good morning, sleepy head.”

“Gigi.” Crystal croaked, as if she had found something she’d been looking for.

“It’s nice of you to join us so late in the afternoon.” A voice came from the outskirts.

“You haven’t been properly introduced.” Gigi grappled onto Crystal’s arm as she left the bedroom and gently let the latch close behind her. In the sitting room area of the tiny space, Heidi sat in a small circle of women, all somewhat centred around the small television that hung between two walls.

“This is Heidi, Jackie, and Widow.” Gigi listed the girl off. “America’s leading bass guitarist, drummer, and back-up vocals.”

“How do you do, Crystal?” Jackie piped up first. “I’m surprised you stuck around after the night we showed you.”

“How’s your head?” Heidi questioned.

“It feels like it’s got rocks in it.” Crystal groaned, causing Jackie in particular to stifle a laugh. back. The nerves Crystal somewhat skipped out on the past evening were more than being payed for this morning. She could not even measure to be comforted by Gigi’s hand laying completely flat on the small of her back. Instead, this only made her pertinently aware she was still draped in last nights outfit, hanging off her body like it was trying to escape her.

“That’s a night with Gigi for you.” Widow chuckled lightly.

“Oh, don’t scare the poor thing off.” Heidi demanded. “You do this every time.”

“Enough from you.” Gigi laughed, signalling for Crystal to follow her back to a small two-person table just in the back of the bus. “Breakfast? I’ve been making this for about an hour now.”

“Yeah, about last night.” Crystal began nervously, slumping herself down.

“You got punched.” Gigi shoved pancakes into her mouth hungrily It almost made Crystal giggle. “They took you right to the ground. A crazy crowd, really. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“No, I mean like, when I got back here.” Crystal sighed. “Did we….you know?”

Gigi stared clueless at the young woman for minutes at a time, eating her breakfast innocently before it clicked and she practically lurched herself across the table.

“No! No, of course not.” She coughed “You were concussed, and God, you could’ve been married, or straight or anything.”

“No.” Crystal smiled. “Luckily, neither of those things.”

She was more than aware the whole situation was a little unorthodox. Had it been anywhere else with anyone else, Crystal knows that she would’ve been terrified. However, she wasn’t. She was right here with Gigi in a room full of people who expressed nothing but concern for her wellbeing. It was more comfort than she could’ve asked for.

“What happened to Jan last night?”

“I don’t know.” Gigi answered. “I asked did you wanna call her or your parents last night and you said no. I didn’t wanna go against you.”

“Oh, right.” Crystal replied. “I don’t even know where my phone is.”

“It’s on charge in Gigi’s room.” One of the girls chimed in from the back.

“Wow.” Crystal gently began to chew on a piece of bacon, covering her mouth to stop Gigi from seeing her eat. “You really did think of everything, didn’t you?”

“Well, no one else was going to do it, were they?” Gigi smiled. “I mean, the other three are incompetent and you genuinely looked like you were about to pass away.”

“I feel like death this morning.” Crystal added. She watched Gigi for how she would cock her head and crinkle her nose in sympathy. When Jan has suggested watching live bands the night prior, Crystal never could’ve imagined it would get her here.

“I put my number in your phone, by the way.” The taller queen initiated the conversation again. “I hope you don’t mind. It’s not every day I get to be friends with a girl who almost died at my gig.”

“I think it’s time someone gave their parents a call.” Heidi approached the conversation, cupping Crystal’s exposed shoulder in her hand. There was an undeniable chemistry between the two, for which Heidi had compensated, but Gigi had had many girls on that bus, in that bed, at that table and Crystal was the first nice one. She wasn’t about to let Gigi get inside and ruin things.

“They should be fine, I mean I’ve not been gone that long and- “

“Crystal.” Heidi said, sternly. “Go call your parents.”

As if she had been scolded, Crystal pushed the chair back and stood to her feet, exiting hastily to the other room where she was apart from the other girls and Heidi could take Gigi on.

“What are you doing, Gigi?” She sighed, moving the chair slightly out of the way. “Like seriously.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re flirting with her!”

“And so what if I am?” The other girl stood up from her seat. “I can flirt with who I like.”

“No, Gigi, you can’t. You know why? You always take it too far.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“The last three girls you have had on this bus have taken the exact same bullshit Crystal’s taken, okay?” Heidi explained herself emotively. “Except, Crystal had to come here. She didn’t have a choice but to wind up staying the night and she really fancies you, alright?”

“You’re reading too much into this, Heidi, I know what I’m doing.” The dark-haired woman dismissed. As Gigi made to pace past her bedroom, the sweet volume of Crystal’s voice broke the air.

“I can’t” She came. “I can’t ask to stay with them. I know it’s what you would do but I don’t know when the tour’s over, and I don’t think they’d want me anyway.”

“Gigi, I don’t think you do.” Heidi started again. Almost as if by reflex, Gigi raised her hands to stop the talking, air suddenly full of the possibility that maybe Crystal could stay. There was no denying Gigi delved repetitively into female company but never before had she wanted to keep someone with her like she wanted to keep Crystal. Crystal didn’t just want sex, or even want sex at all. She was easy to talk to, she was good at listening, and she liked Gigi. It was rare these things came into fruition in Gigi’s hectic life, and just like Crystal, she was willing to cling to what she wanted.

“Enough, Jan.” The brunette spoke again. “Tell my mom I’ll be home in an hour. I’ll come over and tell you everything later. Yes, love you too. Bye.”

“We’re off!” Jackie’s shout filled the entire bus, causing everyone to turn to her. “Gigi, if you want that girl home, you’d better let us know where she lives.”

Gigi sat at the table for fifteen minutes without Crystal wondering what she could do about the situation. She thought what it would be like to live with Crystal. How sweet it would to be make her breakfast in the morning, and to come back to her after the show was over and she couldn’t bare to sing another chord. She thought mostly, however, about the saying ‘you know when you know’. She herself knew that she had known Crystal for a night, but since they had known each other, Gigi struggled to imagine a world in which she ceased to know her. There was so much possibility; it was driving her mad.

“You live in a nice part of Seattle.” Widow spoke as the bus pulled up next to a suburban house just at the end of a cul-de-sac. It was a nice house, Gigi thought. It was a gentle blue and retained a little porch that carried on the entire length of the house. All of the windows were big and lined with white painted wood, standing grand across the house. It was so different to what Gigi was used to. Crystal, who had been half asleep under the window looked at her home with a familiar burning. Gigi could see in her face as she collected her various belongings that she didn’t want to be here. She radiated a yearning for more, a desire to be outside of her home, somewhere unfamiliar.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye.” The small brunette huffed. Gigi felt like every pair of eyes in the room located themselves on her, skulking out her every movement to see what her next course of action would be. “Thank you guys for everything you did for me. It means a lot.”

“Let me see you in your house.” The girl got to her feet and walked uncomfortably behind Crystal, who nodded in response. Goodbyes, as Gigi was familiar with them, were passing statements. If this were true, she would have felt nothing when she saw the girl step down onto the pavement. Her heart was breaking, if she were to be honest, and the idea of never seeing the girl again was more than tragic.

“I’m sad to go.” Crystal mustered.

“You know, she’s right.” Gigi sighed, feeling the loose ends of her hair blow in the gentle summery breeze Seattle had carried. It had been raining the day before, as Gigi recalls.

“Who?’

“Jan.”

“Right about what?”

“Staying.” Gigi breathed. “You know you can stay if you wanted to stay. It’s weird, yes, but this whole day has been weird, okay? I’m weird. I really think we could make something work.”

“I don’t think it’s weird.” Crystal said quietly. “I don’t think it’s weird at all.”

“So, stay with me. Stay with the band. You can have the bed, I’ll have the couch.” The dark haired woman pleaded her point. “You said you wanted to have a good summer, so do it. Come with us.”

Crystal’s heart, head, and better judgement begged her to say yes. It was her common sense that egged her to stay, making sure her feet were firmly on the floor and she didn’t give in to the temptation of clambering back up the stairs into Gigi’s rightful arms.

“I can’t.” She croaked. “I just….can’t. It doesn’t seem sensible, Gigi, I’m really sorry.”

“That’s alright.” The taller girl understood there was no point in arguing. “I mean, I’m only going to be checking my phone for you, anyway.”

“Hit me up when you’re passing through the city. I’ll be here.” Crystal smiled. Gigi could only nod knowing that any words that passed her parting lips in that moment would have been a plea to the other girl to stay.

“Thank you again for everything.” The brunette smiled, sadly. “I’ll see you round.”

“See you round, Crystal.”

Heidi waited patiently for Gigi to walk back in the door, half expecting her to be smothered in Crystal but pleasantly surprised when she walked through the door sad and alone.

“I know that was hard for you.” She smiled gently. “It’s a lot better the way it is. Things could’ve only ended badly.”

Gigi took Heidi’s words very lightly, registered only by the blurry view she had of Crystal stepping into her front door.

“Other fish in the sea, Gigi.” Jackie sighed. “I thought you’d have learnt that by now.”

“No, Crystal was different.” Gigi replied. “She liked me.”

“A lot of girls have liked you.” Widow butted in again.

“Wanting to fuck me and liking me are not the same thing.”

“Then, we have very different definitions of liking someone.”

Heidi placed a flat hand on Gigi’s back, watching her mope gently. There was a second where she began to wonder if perhaps Crystal would have been treated right by Gigi, or if she could’ve stepped to the challenge. Maybe, just maybe. Gigi walked back to her table, the bus moving beneath her and her thinking about how all of this was nothing. She would do eleven more shows, spend 3 more months on the road, and come home to a lonely apartment on the lower east side of Pennsylvania. Nothing had stuck with her like Crystal’s sweet memory did. She knew from the second Crystal climbed off the bus that it would fill her long night, and her longer days, and no matter how hard she tried she would always be hung up on the idea of what could have been. You know when you know, and Gigi knew. Jackie propped herself up on the window, knowing Gigi didn’t need any more bothering. She and Widow both knew their friend was not a bad person, and still were sceptical about Crystal whilst not denying the presence she no doubt had. She was one of those girls that you think about before you fall asleep, or on rainy Sunday evenings.

Gigi was hooked from the second they caught eyes in the crowd.

“Guys.” Widow leapt to her knees by the rear window of the bus. “I think you’re going to want to see this.” Gigi, usually one for drama, didn’t even want to dignify whatever was out the window. She didn’t even care to watch the group congregate and stare. This all remained until Heidi cracked open window, and the noise flooded big and boastful into the room.

“Gigi!” It rang. “Gigi! Wait, Gigi!”

Surely not, the taller girl imagined, snapping her head to the sound. It couldn’t be, and it shouldn’t have been until there she was. Crystal. Crystal standing 5’4’’ in the middle of the road with an ill packed suitcase trailing her every step. Crystal out of breath and shouting.

“Crystal!” Gigi echoed her. “Stop the bus! I’m coming.”

The girl didn’t even wait for the vehicle to reach its halt, immediately leaping from the steps and onto the pavement where Crystal was rapidly catching up.

“I couldn’t.” She panted. “You didn’t walk away from me last night, so I won’t walk away from you this morning. it’s crazy, and it’s out of character for me but I don’t care, I just-“

“Crystal, be quiet.” Gigi pleaded desperately, suddenly grabbing Crystal’s face and crashing their lips together in the middle of the road, just meters from the home she had just left. The interaction was both full of need, and a strange sense of fate as Gigi kept Crystal’s jaw cupped in her hands. Her heart was beating out of her chest, and even as she continued, she became increasingly of Crystal’s body pressed against her. The world was at peace, suddenly, and as the couple stopped to breathe, a simple calm filled the air. if Crystal was staying, Gigi could ask for nothing more in the world.


	3. Ch3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW // SMUT

Gigi knew she loved Crystal much before than she admitted to herself. it had been three days, two hours, and forty-seven minutes since she had kissed Crystal and no one had mentioned it. It was all she thought about these days, and from that she drew the conclusion that she loved the girl. It had been quick but felt real and this had been less than enough for Gigi in the past and would suffice now. The week started with Gigi on the couch, and then gradually she moved to be the bed. By the time the fourth day crept up on them, Crystal was sleeping in the crook of Gigi’s neck and they would kiss at 3am when the world was quiet, and they had nothing else to do. As for the brunette, she was not typical to feelings of affection, and still, her heart sang whenever Gigi was in the room. They existed in this weird realm of romance that was exclusive to a tour bus that currently traipsed over the east sections of Oregon. As things stood, there were another 10 days until Gigi had another show to play at. Most of these days consisted of waking up at midday and washing dishes until bedtime, but their first good day together came about a week in.

Gigi loved travelling, and this she knew from when she was a kid and her father would run her back and forth between local shows. It’s thoughts of this that keep her up on that Tuesday night, watching Crystal sleep next to her. She wondered what Crystal was like as a kid, and if it was an even possible for a person so fully realised to have ever been a child and to have ever been learning. The night was still and quiet, and Crystal was beautiful. What bliss it might be to lean over and touch her face in the pale sliver of moonlight that crept gently in through the rear window. She didn’t even look real. On the subject of travelling, it was never quite real to her that she was always on the road. it had been her dream since she was a toddler, and if she was honest, there were parts of this fantasy that simply couldn’t grow to love. She never saw her parents anymore, she hadn’t eaten properly in two years, and she couldn’t hold down a relationship for the life of her. She was also thinking about what Heidi said about the amount of women she had here, and how Crystal would come out of this hurt. Many girls had slept where Crystal was, but none of them without ulterior motives. Not until now, not until Crystal.

“Gigi?” The brunette girl’s quiet spoke over the air of the night, throwing Gigi’s train of thought off-guard.

“You’re awake?”

“Now I am.” She yawned. “Stop watching me sleep. It’s weird.”

“Terribly sorry.” Gigi sat up so her bare back was rested heavily on the wood of the headboard. From this position, Crystal could place her head in Gigi’s lap and Gigi could gently curl strands of her hair as if it meant nothing at all. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“You thinking again?”

“Oh, always.”

“Thinking is a daytime activity.” Crystal said sleepily, causing Gigi to produce a large smile through the dark. It was only then she realised she could feel Crystal’s heart going at a million times a second against her thigh. It was loud, and boisterous and she wouldn’t be surprised if people in the next room thought they were fucking.

Gigi looked over her shoulder. The little trailer window just behind her had a broken blind that allowed a moonlit view of the little purple car sat outside. They’d rented it for exploring around the states, and never really used it no matter where they went. Gigi toyed this up in her mind, and suddenly she couldn’t stop picturing Crystal in the passenger seat of her car, or sprawled out across the back section. It was enough for her to move.

“Hey, Crystal?” She whispered.

“I was just falling back asleep, what do you want?” She groaned.

“Come out with me.”

“Gigi.” The sleepy girl sat up in the dark. The thin covers fell gently off her bare shoulders and draped across her arms. “It’s 2am. What could you wanna do?”

“Come with me and see.” She spoke again, removing herself from the girl. “Don’t even get dressed. Just come outside.”

The couple managed to sneak out the door peacefully, with Crystal still in bed shorts, a bra, and the blue sheets wrapped around her thin body. She didn’t have any shoes on like Gigi did, and her feet were all muddy and cold by the time they reached the Sedan. It felt like a winter morning when Crystal’s mother would keep blankets in the car for when she was driving her to school, and would have to scrape ice off their car before they left. This was pertinent, but it didn’t make her feel homesick. Nothing ever did around Gigi.

Even now, as she drove and kept her eyes on the road, Crystal couldn’t help but feel enthralled by her. It wasn’t her words, or her looks, but some magical, ethereal presence she no doubt captured that had Crystal’s senses tingling that night as she reached for the radio dial in the dark.

“It’s not quite a radio.” Gigi laughed, turning the car onto some grassy side street. “it’s a CD changer I put in after I got bored of Pop music.”

“That’s awful pretentious of you.” Crystal sighed, curling her legs up onto the seat as the car heated up. “What kind of music do you listen to?”

“I like The Libertines a lot, you familiar?”

“Hardly.” Crystal’s eyes fluttered shut in the dark. “They’re Cristish, right?”

“Crist Pop. I’m into all that.”  
“Really? Can’t see why.”

“it was real progressive at it’s time.” Gigi explained. “Pulp, The Sex Pistols, Blur, you know?”

“Can’t say I do.” Crystal replied again. “I’ve been listening to the same Bon Iver record for the past fourteen years and calling it alternative.”

“You’re funny.” Gigi smiled.

“There is nothing funny about Bon Iver. It’s depressing and old.”

“No, of course, you’re right.” Gigi chuckled

Gigi watched her the road as it lead out into the darkness. She had always thought it was weird the way it looked like it went on forever, and if she tried hard, the lines between the road and the sky became completely indistinguishable. Fun when she was little, dangerous now she was driving.

“My dad used to drive me this way when I was younger.” The girl coughed Crystal back awake.

“Did he?”

“Mhm.” Gigi dignified Crystal’s half-asleep answer. “We were on the way back to our hotel one night and a deer ran out in front of us. It was the scariest moment of my life.”

“Oh my god.” Crystal sat up in her seat. “Did you hit it?”

“No.” Gigi swallowed. “My dad swerved and I hit my head on the dashboard. I broke my nose, and got out the car and sobbed for an hour on the highway.”

“Because it hurt so much?” She asked.

“No.” The older girl shook her head. “I thought we’d hit it. I didn’t care much about my nose at all.”

Crystal looked at Gigi for what seemed like the longest time. She never another person to talk so fluently about such a compassionate story, as if it was nothing.

“What are you staring at?” Gigi suddenly pulled up the car, yanking the handbrake up.

“You’re amazing.” Was all Crystal could mutter. “You’re from a completely different world.”

“Everyone says that to me. I just guess I knew what I wanted to do very early.”

“I didn’t.” Crystal sighed. “I still don’t know.”

“You seem to be pretty put together.” Gigi answered. “I’d love a life like yours. Tour life isn’t for me a lot of the time.”

“It seems like a lot. You must be tired all the time.”

“I can’t believe you agreed to come with us. Your parents must’ve been so mad.”

“Kind of.” Crystal chuckled. “My mom said I was stupid, that I’d be home in a month when I couldn’t handle it.”

“I hope you don’t go home soon.” Gigi noticed she was leaning across the middle of the car, trying not to knock the gearstick. “I kind of like having you around.”

The radio in the car had suddenly started playing low French music to which Crystal leapt towards the volume button.

“Is this La Vie En Rose?”

“Yeah.” Gigi lay back a little. “I know it’s not very me.”

“It’s my favourite song.” Crystal smiled. “I really like it.”

“Me too.” Gigi smiled back at her. “Maybe not so different after all.”

The rest of that night, Gigi and Crystal clambered out the car and watched the stars from the bonnet. It was a strangely clear night despite the recent surge of rain that seemed to deepen their tour experience. Gigi had her arm around Crystal’s waist making her feel safe, and the night got significantly less cold as it continued. Gigi had never done this with a woman she had known before, and had never in her existence felt closer to someone without having to be inside them. It was almost as if the brunette had touched her without even really touching her at all. She didn’t know much about soulmates, or about the spiritual relationship that could co-exist between two people. All she knew that when it hit 4am and she was kissing Crystal pressed up against the wind shield of the car, everything seemed right with the world. Every other mistake had been leaning up to this very moment. It was a sweet evening that only managed to come to an end when Gigi slipped herself off the hood and began spreading Crystal’s thighs to kiss the soft tissue that resided there. Not wanting to have her first sexual encounter with the best woman she had ever met on an abandoned hill top, Crystal ran her fingers into Gigi’s hair and asked her to stop with a shaking voice.

“I’m sorry.” Gigi stood to her feet and coughed. Crystal shuffled forward so that her legs were wrapped around Gigi’s waist and her arms around her neck.

“Just not here.” She whispered. “Not now. I’m not ready yet.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

Crystal pressed one last chaste kiss on Gigi’s expectant lips.

“Let’s go home. People will think we’ve died.”

No one noticed that either of the girls were gone that night, but it remained the best night of the entire tour for Crystal. She since dreamed to have Gigi in this way again.

Gigi proceeded to get what she didn’t know she wanted in the next three days. They were in the middle of Nevada, and had not long pulled up to a small city with which Gigi fell in love and Crystal never remembered the name of. It wasn’t anything gigantic, or life changing. Just a small city crafted of tiny close together buildings and shack houses that bonded over sharing the same washing line. A cosmopolitan little corner of the universe where it seemed everyone spoke broken English and everyone was beautiful. It looked Greece, or somewhere bordering Italy, Gigi would often think as her and Crystal took to the marble clad streets. At night, as it readily became of their last evening in the city, string lights sent the very city ablaze. It seemed like enough lights to be seen from space, and this, taken with the salty impact of the sea air filled the minutes with a certain paradisiac element. That night, Crystal wore a red dress. One of the long ones that swept the floor and swept everyone off their feet. It made Gigi feel like there wasn’t enough room to breathe. Everyone had wanted to be with the lady in red, but here she was, sat a metre across the table from Gigi in an Italian restaurant, sharing stories and a bottle of red wine.

“You look amazing tonight.” Gigi sipped from the glass between her fingers. “Really elegant. Godess-esque, I would even go as far as to say.”

“You don’t clean up so bad yourself.” Crystal chuckled. Gigi looked down at her frilly white blouse tucked into the black work pants she kept in the bottom drawer of every chest of drawers she’d ever owned. It wasn’t awful, but it certainly wasn’t anything close to what Crystal donned. She was the most beautiful girl in the world.

“To think, a week ago and a bit ago I was dancing to your music and now here I am, drinking wine and calling myself your friend.”

‘Yes, certainly a quick turn around.” Gigi lit a cigarette. With her bad habit in one hand, and her wine clutched in the other, she looked like a still from some forgotten French film. One of the ones about beautiful women and horrible erotic affairs. She was perfect, and Crystal was besotted.

“It’s perfect here, isn’t it?” Crystal came again.

“Mhm.” Gigi came, over her puff of smoke. “I’d get married here if I was going do it anywhere.”

“You don’t wanna get married?”

“I don’t see the significance.” The dark-haired girl answered. “I don’t think it should matter if you really want to be with someone forever.”

“And if you met the right person?”

“I imagine I’d change my tune pretty quickly.”

In the light from the surroundings, Crystal looked like nothing like Gigi had ever seen. She’d marry Crystal, if the girl asked. She’d marry her right now.

The Spanish music that played that night was almost powerful enough to drown out the rain that was the fatal end of their magical evening. With no time to make a dart back for the bus, the girls were dragged inside the restaurant from the outdoor area, and watched the rain bounce off the white marble. Crystal was tucked under Gigi’s arm wondering how on earth the light summer breeze had become a tropical thunderstorm before her very eyes. Then, suddenly, and at all at once, they were laughing at the situation at hand. It was so strange, how suddenly with the rain and the Spanish music, the feeling filled the air and Gigi couldn’t help but kiss Crystal’s cheek. It was the lightest interaction but had made Crystal so happy that she could’ve died. It would’ve been easy to dismiss Gigi’s feelings as a matter of course, and yet, they were approaching two weeks in and nothing felt rushed. Everything was perfect, and everything in that evening remained subjective to the way Crystal’s dress swayed in the stormy winds on the walk back to the bus.

Gigi lay in bed that night thinking about how these two days had amounted to a strange romantic obligation between the two of them. Gigi knew things in life faded out quickly, but what was happening to her and Crystal was growing every day, developing and moulding into something that she more than cared about. Into something that she wanted to put effort into. And then Crystal walked into the room. It was edging on 1am and all the lights were off, apart from the one behind the girl that lit up her slim figure. She was stood there in nothing but underwear and Gigi’s Boston t-shirt, rubbing her eyes.

“Crystal?” Gigi sat up. “Are you alright?”

“I need to know something.”

“What?”

“If I give you everything tonight, are you still going to like me tomorrow morning?”

Gigi had no idea what she meant and switched on the bedside lamp to see the girl better. All Crystal could do was creep over to the other girl, who pulled the covers back for the brunette to sit in her lap.

“Crystal, what do you mean?”

“I just need to know.” Crystal began kissing the curvature of Gigi’s jaw. “If I spend the night with you, you’re still gonna wake up tomorrow morning and be happy to see my face. I’ve had the most wonderful couple of days with you, and I wanted to top it off right.”

“I’ll be with you every morning.” Gigi could only whisper into the girl’s perfumed collarbones, causing her to let out an opium moan of pleasure. “No matter what goes down the night before, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And you want this?”

“More than anything.”

“Okay, Crystal, okay.”

The girl started by pushing Crystal’s body against her own, causing her legs to spread and press her centre against Gigi’s shirtless torso. She could already feel the light drips of wet through Crystal’s underwear, and her head went dizzy at the very thought.

“You’re the most beautiful girl in the world, you know that?” Gigi asked, beginning to motion a light rocking motion with Crystal’s hips against her own. “I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off you since you got here.”

“You’re making me feel amazing.” Crystal groaned back, getting wetter by the second and feeling the friction of Gigi’s shorts rub against her open legs. Gigi left sloppy wet kisses down the neck of the girl only to move her hands down and feel Crystal’s hard nipples protruding the shirt.

“Pull up your shirt for me.” She asked softly. Crystal did as she was told, allowing her perky breasts to bounce free from under her shirt. Gigi never imagined she would be here quite so soon, but wasn’t complaining. Perhaps god was real, and fortune was working towards her, or something silly like that. Maybe what she had with Crystal was just real, she didn’t know.

The brunette’s hairs stood on end as Gigi’s tongue traced her left nipple and her hand toyed with the right. She was so close to Gigi’s body and couldn’t even see for her own pleasure, heightened only by the idea that any of Gigi’s friends (who had taken to Crystal with extreme grace) could open the door and see them like this. Fucking at 1am on an old mattress. They would think so different on her.

“You like that?” Gigi mumbled, switching over.

“Mhm.” Crystal’s back arched and she suddenly let her shirt drop onto Gigi’s face. The dark-haired girl latched two hands on Crystal’s ass and pulled her underneath so that she lay flat on her back, legs still apart on the covers.

“You’re such a good girl.” Gigi began to kiss down her thighs, leaving soft little love bites on even softer tissue. “Look at how wet you are for me already.”

“Gigi….” Crystal groaned, already grappling onto the bedsheets. Before she could even do much more, Gigi had tore off Crystal’s panties and thrown them on the nearest lampshade to be found by an incredibly confused Jackie the next morning.

“You’re perfect. I’ve waited so long to have you like this.” Gigi spoke, warm against Crystal’s folds, making her wince in pleasure and impatience.

“I’m yours.”

“Say that again.”

“I’m all fucking yours.”

This was more than enough to have Gigi going hell for leather. She started at the bottom, keeping Crystal’s legs spread with her shoulders, and making shaped with her tongue against the girl’s heat. Nothing was making her feel better than Crystal’s whimpers as she explored, darting her tongue in all directions. The brunette even grappled onto Gigi’s hair, shoving her face into the mess so that the other girl’s mouth was more than full of Crystal. She was going dizzier now, retained her place on the edge of something.

“You’re doing so well.” Gigi mumbled, suddenly flicking Crystal’s clit and feeling her jolt beneath her. She was almost screaming now as she sucked on the skin until her whole vagina was swollen and dripping. However, it was only as Gigi sneaked a single finger in there that Crystal’s whole body convulsed. It was almost as if she was fitting.

“You’re the best I’ve ever had.” She cried. “I think I love you.”

“What was that?” Gigi teased another finger at Crystal’s entrance. She could practically feel the throbbing around her fingers as she began to move them gently in and out of Crystal’s tight hole.

“I said I think I love you.” She groaned again, almost painfully. “Don’t stop, I think I’m gonna cum.”

“Cum for me.”

As this was said, Crystal let out the beginnings of a scream which was rapidly covered by Gigi’s hand.  
“Keep quiet for me okay, baby?” Gigi rode Crystal through the orgasm, keeping one hand on her mouth. The way Crystal came was electric, and sent blood thrashing through Gigi’s body like one million little tidal waves. She herself could’ve came from the sight alone. Crystal’s frail body completely at her mercy, it was bliss. Gigi removed her fingers and placed them directly in her mouth, tasting Crystal’s sweetness over and over.

“You taste so fucking good.”

Crystal immediately jumped back into Gigi’s lap, kissing her and all over her face in gratitude. Gigi didn’t even realise she was crying from the opulence of it all, or think about the ‘I love you’ that had been left unresponsive. She was at Crystal’s command for the rest of the night, and it’s fair to say nothing productive got done the next day.


	4. Ch4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW // SMUT

The rest of these days before the show in Miami passed at an unreasonably quick rate. It felt like four more days in bed and suddenly, there they were setting up the The Campers drum kit and dancing to the sounds of getting ready music in the bathroom. Crystal had been watching patiently as Gigi did her makeup in the mirror of her ensuite. She stood in the doorway, remembering how each night with Gigi had been as magical as the last, and her time had been more than proven worthwhile. Everything was good, and all though things couldn't stay way for the girls, they both revelled in the temporary happiness they had found.  
"I can see you watching me." Gigi chuckled, finishing her eyeliner and blinking aggressively in the mirror.   
"I know." Crystal cooed. "I missed you."  
"It's been a busy day." Gigi welcomed the girl into the room and assisted her ascent onto the side of the bath, which sat snugly against the toilet.  
"How many shows left?"  
"Fourteen?" Gigi cocked her head sideways. "Something like that."  
"Then it's Paris or bust."  
"Paris or bust." Gigi sighed and smiled back, placing her hands-on Crystal's thighs.   
Paris had been a midnight idea not long ago, when Crystal was half asleep on Gigi's shoulder and Gigi was up watching a movie.   
"I would always liked to have done Paris." The brunette mumbles. "I think I'm too old now to go for the first time. It wouldn't be right to be a tourist."  
"Why don't we go?" Gigi had suggested. "We could backpack. We wouldn't have to be tourists. We could get stuck into the city, if you really wanted to?"  
"At the end of the tour?"   
"Sure." The taller girl laughed, moving her arm as Crystal sat up. "I have some money in an account back home. We could totally make it work."  
"And if we don't get there?"  
"And if we don't get there then we don't get there." Gigi smiled. "We come back home and we go bust, you go back to your parents and I go to my apartment and we figure something out."  
"Oh my god!" Crystal jumped up excitedly. "I'm going to Paris! We're going to Paris!"   
Crystal got so giddy that night that Gigi didn't even have the heart to tell her that she never really believed in the idea. And now here they were, getting ready in a bathroom no bigger than a closet, wishing for more time already.

"I have a little surprise for you tonight." Gigi mumbled through her lipstick application.  
"You do?"  
"Mhm." Gigi caught a look at herself in the reflective surface. She used to think she was beautiful, and now she thought of herself as residing in familiarity. She wore the same clothes, and the same makeup, playing the same songs, and looking at the same venue. The only thing that changed was the city and the girl she was sleeping with. The taller girl reached for her perfume, spritzing it and filling the room. It had become one of Crystal's new favourite smells, and it reminded her of the sun setting in Vegas or the feel of cotton pillows against her cheek.   
"You're beautiful." She smiled, standing up to kiss Gigi's tan shoulder. "I'm going to go call Jan. We can get into the venue when I'm done."  
"Okay." Gigi smiled. Watching Crystal do anything was bliss enough, but it was her favourite thing to do to watch her leave. Knowing that she would walk back through those doors even prettier than before was excitement Gigi couldn't contain.

The first half of that night meant the world to Crystal. It started out with a peek around the curtain to see Gigi taking her guitar out as the crowd cheered her on excessively. It was as if the girl she had known only as a stage presence leapt out of her to command the room. It was the girl she had wanted from the start. The beautiful rebel who made Crystal's legs feel like jelly, and her head feel like a nightclub.   
"You're beautiful." Familiar words poured into the mic. "We're The Campers, thank you for coming out tonight."  
Part of Crystal wished that Jan had been there and wished that the night was the same as the one just two weeks ago. Oh, how she would relive that evening. She did sometimes in her sleep. Knowing Gigi had been so fine, she wished she could live it in every different county, in every different language, and in every different way possible. She knew, no doubt, it would feel the same. 

"She's an enigma, right?" Heidi slipped up behind Crystal, grabbing her shoulders and looking beyond her. She was originally against the idea of the brunette coming aboard, but she had come around fairly quickly. It was never said aloud, but they enjoyed each other a lot and Heidi genuinely felt that Crystal's goodness brought about a measure of good in herself also.   
"Sure is." Crystal smiled up at her. "Why aren't you on stage?"  
"I'm not needed until the second song." Heidi replied. "You know, Crystal, at first I thought Gigi was too much for you. It's no denying she's a handful."  
"She certainly is." The brunette chuckled.   
"But she's acting well. I think she might really be into you."   
"I hope so." Crystal sighed. Gigi smiled at her from the centre of the stage, hunched over her guitar. "I love her."  
"You do?"  
"I think so." The shorted girl spun around to face her much taller counterpart. "Do you think it's too soon?"  
"I think you guys did everything too soon, too intensely." Heidi chuckled, and looked over Crystal's shoulder. "But, saying that, I've never met a person who didn't love Gigi. She's one of those Manic Pixie Dream girls things, or something along those lines."  
Whilst Crystal disagreed, she daren't speak about against Heidi. She had known Gigi much longer. Crystal could only hope that things were just different this time.

As for Gigi, the music she had behind her seemed to flow perfectly that night, as if made from silk. She was strangely satisfied with everything that had been played, and the crowd erupted into persistent roars of reassurance. She was completely and utterly happy as she never was on stage. Perhaps it was because every time she looked into the right-hand side of the crowd, she saw Crystal. Crystal as she was two weeks ago, miserable and smiling through her desire to go home. The brunette had told her undeniably that home used to be her favourite place on earth but had now only managed to scrape second place. Gigi's arms were the first, as comforting and safe as they were. She used to love nothing about being away from all her creature comforts but had challenged this with a strong will power that was belt buckled by passion alone. Gigi felt as if she had played a more than vital role in the revival of Crystal, and this gave her some boastful confidence in the matter. She, however, was pertinently aware that this somewhat made Crystal dependant, and that it was no secret how Crystal had needed her more. The dark-haired girl more than ignored this fact on several occasions. It played on her mind only occasionally, one of these moments being the appearance of a tall ginger woman who brought Gigi water after she finished her fourth song. They shared a simple touch, perhaps even a gentle touch of the fingers. This was all it took to have Gigi thinking about Crystal. How she needed her, how bad they wanted each other. It was strange, she thought, how a simple action could define a whole evening, and she didn't even know it would. Even Crystal thought nothing of it at the time. Her only thoughts were how well Gigi was playing and how attractive she was, even when she wasn't trying to be.

At the penultimate moment of their evening, as the moong hung Crisght and big over the venue, Gigi narrowed in on the mic and caught Crystal's eye for the last time. The air was cool and made the sweat on the nape of her neck send chills across the length of her spine. This was her favourite view by far. The whole crowd, tuckered out and waiting for one last sing along. It was something of dreams.   
"There is someone special in this crowd tonight." she panted, feeling the beads of sweat trickle down her face. "Someone I wouldn't have met if it weren't for this tour, and if it weren't for people like you coming to see us perform."  
Crystal pushed gently to the front of the crowd to grasp the barrier, eager to see Gigi up close as she rambled on about her.   
"This song taught us both that our differences are happily put aside, and I just adore her." Gigi chuckled. "She's incredible, and this is for her."  
Before Crystal had time to react, the sounds of beautiful French orchestrations filled the sweet and damp air around her. It was as if lightning had hit the room the way her face lit up and stole the show. Gigi was lit only by a sliver of light that lay across the middle of the stage as she sang the words softly, making every syllable a love song of its own. Crystal could have cried from the opulence. It was the one moment of her existence thus far that she never really wanted to end.

Gigi stepped off the stage that night on a buzz and sweating through her t-shirt. Her mind was more than full of the way that Crystal smiled when they played her song. She was beautiful, and nothing else from that night had even came close to mattering.   
"You did well tonight." Jackie dabbed her forehead and walked past the taller girl. "I think you made Crystal's entire life."   
"No, thank you guys for helping me." Gigi chuckled. "Speaking of, did you see where Crystal went? She dipped before I finished playing."   
"I think she went out back to call someone. She walked that way." Jackie smiled, waving Crystal off. "We're going out for after show drinks, if you're thinking of coming."  
Gigi looked off into the lights on the stage. She would go back to the bus, hand in hand with Crystal and they would have the most romantic night of their lives whilst everyone else was out. The whole place would be theirs, and she would have more than enough time to show Crystal how much she enjoyed her.   
"No, I'm okay. I'll stay back with Cris. Thanks for the offer, though."  
"You'll be missed." Jackie shouted, walking away slowly towards the other members who had congregated not two steps away. "See you in the morning."  
"Stay safe." Gigi yelled back. "Don't make too much noise when you come back in drunk."  
Gigi laughed to herself as her friends stumbled off in the other direction. Undeniably, it felt like everything was coming together for them. Her hair was wet through, and her shirt sticking to her, but she couldn't have felt any better if she tried.

"Gigi." A small voice arose from the stage door that now swung closed.   
"Oh, there you are- "  
Gigi spun around to see the voice, only to catch sight of a small red-head in the door way, and not Crystal at all.   
"oh, sorry." she complied. "I thought you were someone else."  
"It's my fault." She chuckled. "I snuck up on you. I'm Rose, I work for the venue."   
"Oh, interesting." Gigi humoured the girl. "What do you do?"  
"Internship. Nothing much."  
"Which is why you were made to Crisng me water?"  
"No, that was all me." The girl chuckled, looking down at the floor.   
Gigi thought about Crystal all over again. How they looked at the floor with the same sweet shyness, and how they both twirled a strand of hair around their index finger.  
"You were really good tonight." She came again.  
"Thank you very much." Gigi chuckled. 'it's all down to the crowd, really."   
"Have you guys been playing long?"  
"This is our first big scale tour, actually." Gigi dabbed her forehead with a towel, giving no attention to the notion that this is how the majority of her previous endeavours started.   
She was wildly attractive, yes, but Crystal was here first. This, Gigi was dead-set on.  
"I never would've known." The girl fastened her hands behind her back, batting her eyelids at Gigi.   
"No?"  
"No. You guys are amazing." Rose smiled. Her smile was one of those smiles that was the centre of attention wherever she went. It lit up the room of its own accord, and Gigi stood in its gleam for seconds at a time. "I was wondering, if you wanted to get a drink tonight? I know a nice little bar just off the beach about fifteen minutes away."  
"Awh, I'm sorry. I was planning to just go back to the tour bus and watch TV tonight." Gigi smiled, politely. This would have worked, had it not been for the immediate drop in the girl's face. Her eyes went bleak and her smile sad as she let out a sad and ugly 'oh.'  
"But, you could come back with me?" She panicked, grabbing the girl's arm. "We could have a drink and wait for Crystal. She's gone to call her parents, but she'll be back pretty soon."

The immediate truth is that Crystal did not come back until much later that night. By the time she had, Gigi had committed her crime. It began precisely at midnight, when Gigi was sat on the couch, legs spread, watching Rose turn off the TV by the dial. She hadn't noticed until then, but Rose donned a slim white dress that perfectly held her thighs and made her look like a movie star. All the girl could do was stare at her, thoughts of Crystal trickling away like water down the drain.   
"Stop looking at me like that." The red-head laughed.   
"Like what?" Gigi coughed.  
"Like you've seen a ghost."   
"Oh."   
Suddenly, as if a switch had been flicked somewhere in the cosmos, everything was different. Soft piano music was playing from an old radio on the top of the television set and the woman in white was stepping to Gigi in the night, like some kind of predator. Before she could register the hunger in her, Rose was in her lap, thin hands around her neck and looking at her with a smirk unlike anything Gigi had ever seen.   
"Do you like what I'm wearing?"  
Gigi nodded, having suddenly lost any concept of words. She wasn't thinking of the brunette girl who stood no more than fifteen minutes away, not yet privy to her own devastation.   
"Do you want me to take it off?" She breathed, sending shivers down Gigi's spine. "Or, do you want to take it off for me?"

Gigi immediately pounced at her lips, leaping to her feet and holding the girl around her waist. There no romance as there was with Crystal. There was no light French music, or murmurs in the night. There were no drives out to the viewing point, or butterflies in her stomach. Just raw, animalistic passion. A passion that had Rose, legs spread and dress by her ankles, on the bed that Crystal slept in. Gigi had no times for words. She leant in to kiss Rose's stomach, feeling how wet she already was against her shirt and feeling the vanilla perfume in her throat. It was driving her mad. Just touching her through her underwear was blissful insanity. She couldn't even see straight, all she saw was the girl underneath her squirming and moaning.  
"You're making me feel so fucking good." She came, causing Gigi to lurch forward and kiss her sternum. It hit her the, as one hand entered her hair. Rose looked a little like Crystal when someone was touching her. Thoughts of Crystal came flooding back, and the guilt with it. Gigi, in horror at the mess she had made, backed up, but it was already too late. There she stood, 5'2'' in the doorway of the bedroom, phone still clutched in hand and Gigi's hoodie hanging off her tiny frame.   
"Crystal." was all the woman could muster. There was no explanation needed or warranted. The whole thing was exactly what it looked like.  
"Oh god." Crystal spoke, as if she was about to be sick and cry all at once. "Oh god, I can't be here. I need to go."  
The small girl didn't look back as she left the bus, expecting Gigi to continue with her pleasures, not knowing she was right behind her.  
"Crystal!" She shouted, leaping down the steps into the night. "Crystal, wait! Talk to me."  
"Talk to you?!" The girl cried, spinning around the reveal the tears that stained her small red face. She was an ugly crier, Gigi noted, but nothing was uglier than what she had done. "I have nothing to say to you, Gigi, never in one million years did I see you doing this to me."  
"Crystal, I'm sorry, please just listen to what I have to say." Gigi grabbed at her as she stormed off. To this day, Gigi has no idea how Crystal managed to stop and listen. It was a wonder, and she deserved saint hood for being so patient.   
"Who is she?" The girl wiped hot tears as they came.  
"She's just a girl from the venue. No one special."  
"You cheated on me with no one special?" Crystal's voice broke, and Gigi's heart fell through. There was a girl in that bus who wasn't half the person Crystal was, and yet Gigi had given them the same treatment, the same pleasure, the same bed. It was disgusting,   
"That's not what I meant."   
"All your friends kept saying you couldn't hold someone down." The small brunette sniffled. "I should've listening to them. I can't believe you let me think I could trust you. I can't trust you at all."  
"Crystal, don't."  
"I just walked in on you with another girl!" The shorter girl shouted. "And after everything I gave you. You make me sick, you promised me you'd stick around for me."  
"Crys-"  
"Would you have fucked her in that bed if I hadn't walked in on you?" Crystal provoked. Gigi knew the truth, and yet couldn't bring herself to say it to Crystal's tear stained face. The tragedy was too big, and the drama was all too real.  
"Crystal, please."   
"Answer my question!" She screamed, throwing her arms in the air. "Would have you have fucked her in the same bed you fucked me in?"  
"….Yes, Crystal, but it means nothing. She means nothing!'  
"I told you that I loved you." Crystal's voice gave in again. She was breathing softly, and crying quietly, not being able to remove the image of Gigi and that girl from her mind. The girl was skinny, tall, and prettier than most. Crystal wouldn't have chosen her either.   
"I love you too, you know I do." Gigi grappled at straws.   
"No! You don't get to tell me that now!" The brunette shouted. And she was right, Gigi had no claim over those words. They meant nothing, not after what Crystal had just witnessed. She was crying, and Gigi didn't know how to help her. All she knew was that if she could go back and do everything absolutely differently, she would.   
"Crystal, I'm so sorry." Gigi tried to step closer to the woman, who backed away in response. "I would never ever want to hurt you."   
"But, you did." Crystal snapped. "I hope I never see you again. You have hurt me beyond anything I ever expected from you."  
"I get you're angry-"  
"I am angry!" She shouted. "I'm so angry at you! You have ruined this for me, for us. I mean, what were you thinking?"  
"I wasn't thinking, Crystal, if I had then I wouldn't have done something so stupid." Gigi pleaded. For a second, she considered if getting down on her knees and begging would help. If it would, then she would've done it. No questions asked.   
"You're right, you wouldn't." The smaller girl sniffled once more, readily realising this argument was below her. "Because if you'd have stopped to think for one second about what you were doing you would've realised that I deserved better than to be treated like that, especially when all I did was lie in that bed and think about how much I want you."   
"Crystal, pl-"  
"You know why I came on this tour with you, Gigi?" She asked. "I thought I could trust you. I thought you wanted me. But, now I know how wrong I was."  
"I do want you!" Gigi felt a tear trail blaze her skin. "I want you more than anyone."  
"Don't you dare tell me that with her lipstick smudged all over you face." Crystal spoke through gritted teeth. She was done after those words were spat. There was nothing more to say to the girl who had broken her heart and ruined her summer.   
"I'm going home, Gigi." She closed the argument. "I'll leave tomorrow and stay in Jackie's room tonight. Have her out of that fucking bus by the time I get back."

Crystal, all teary eyed and full of anger, paced off into the distance to feel the cold air against the lines of tears on her face. It was true how everything can go well and then suddenly one bad thing happens and it's surprising how quick everything can turn to shit. Crystal's world was shaken that night, leaving a scar from which she would never truly recover, and all Gigi could be was sorry.


	5. Ch5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW // DRUGS AND OVERDOSE (OD)

Crystal stayed up and cried the night through. Her sobs took the whole bus by storm. Somewhere muffled into the space between Jackie’s neck and collarbones, and some was into a pillow long after Jackie had fallen asleep spooning the brunette. Most however, was loud and abrasive. Gigi found herself at 3am listening to Crystal’s unhinged howls at the moon and crying herself. She knew Crystal well enough to know that she did not love things easily, and yet had sworn until she was blue in the face that she did love Gigi. To think she betrayed that. It was unimaginable. Now, she was unable to sleep, feeling the weight of the girl she had betrayed beneath her. Every time she closed her eyes, there Crystal was again. Standing in the doorway, one sock rolled down around her ankle, and looking like the world had suddenly caught up with her. It was a devastating sight, more so now than ever. Gigi was bad, but Crystal was much worse. The entire thing replayed in her head over and over until she couldn’t handle it anymore and was sick all over Jackie’s carpet. Nothing about this had been grand, or poetic, or worthy of being romanticised. It was the night Crystal learnt that real heartbreak is not something to write about. It was ugly, and revolting, and Crystal was barely pulling herself through the cracks. Paris hurt most. Whenever she tried to close herself into Jackie, she thought about it. She saw fancy open cafés, and rainy walks around the Notre Dame as the night was setting in. She saw subtitles over French movies, French wine in the hotel room, and Gigi’s naked body on the marble balcony above the city of lights. It was all planned out and it had fell out from beneath her. In the simplicity of it all, she was completely devastated.

The next morning, she woke up with an empty space in her chest. The feeling of finality caved in on her like a deadweight and she didn’t even want to imagine facing the girl that was no doubt wandering around the living room.  
“Morning.” Jackie mumbled sleepily, not yet opening her eyes. She was lay tight next to Crystal, head very nearly touching the warmth of her shoulder.   
“Morning.” Crystal took a deep breath.  
Jackie pushed herself up on her elbow to get a better look at Crystal. She was beautiful even like this, tears streaming down her red cheeks and remnants of mascara cluttering her eye bags. A vivid ray of light was catching her porcelain skin through the cracks in the blinds above the bed, and Jackie was thinking about Gigi. How could she have done something so horrible to such a beautiful girl? When Crystal had told them they were coming back from their night, walking across the muddy fields in the moonlight. Her tiny stature came bounding towards them, screaming and sobbing. It could’ve passed for a murder scene.   
“You still crying?” The girl’s voice was soft as she ran the pad of her thumb across Gigi’s face to rub the tears away.   
“Mhm.” She mustered. “I haven’t slept.”   
“I felt you tossing and turning all night.”   
“I just can’t stop seeing it, you know?” She started again, tearing up. “The way they were sat. The way Gigi was looking at her, Vix, she looked like an animal. It was like something out of a horror movie.”   
“I know.” Jackie sighed. “She did a horrible thing. You must’ve been terrified.”   
“Crystal.” A quiet voice peaked out from the bedroom door. Heidi stood there, clutching the frame as if what the brunette was feeling was tangible and filled the whole room. She was looking at the girl as if she could see it, as if it was sat right on her chest.  
“Yeah?”  
“We drove through the night. You’re home. I hope you don’t mind, but Widow and I helped back your things. We didn’t think you’d be wanting to spend more time here than you needed to.”  
Crystal sat up sleepily, letting Jackie’s hand slip down her bare back.   
“Thank you guys. That means a lot to me.” She breathed.  
“No problem.” Heidi replied. “I’ll give you a minute to get ready.”

When Crystal left the room she was wearing one of Gigi’s hoodies and her trainers. She probably didn’t have much else at hand. At the time, Gigi was sat streaming tears on the couch by the door, now looking at the girl and remembering how it felt to be with her no more than a day ago. Her eyes were blue and bright as ever, and her thighs coffee coloured, and her perfume still wringing out the room. It was torture just to see her stood there.  
“My parents are gonna tell me they told me so.” She managed a sad chuckle.   
“I’m sure they’ll be fine once you explain.” Jackie replied to the girl who followed lightly in her footsteps.  
“You’re right.” She smiled. “Thank you for everything.”   
Jackie nodded in response. She knew there was no requirement for words, what lingered was enough.   
“Crystal.” Heidi came around the corner once again. “I have never built a friendship quite so strong with any of the girls that have come and gone from this bus. If it’s okay with you, I’d love to stay your friend.”   
“I’d like that.” Crystal sniffled, as Heidi place a piece of folded white paper in her hand and wrapped her hands around the girls. “I love you, Heidi.”  
“I love you, too.” The taller girl replied, grappling Crystal is a hug that Gigi knew she wouldn’t get. All she could do was bite her lip and hope this was all over soon. She couldn’t even look at them.   
“Let me see you out.” Heidi followed the interaction, breathily. Crystal nodded and made a dart for the door, walking confidently in front of Gigi. There was so much between them now, so much that wasn’t there before. They could barely maintain the sliver of eye contact they had conformed to.   
“Crystal.” Gigi even spoke just as the brunette had grabbed the handle. It wasn’t warranted as much as it was required. Her name had been building up in Gigi’s throat like bile, and it was only a matter of time. “I’m so sorry.”  
“I forgive you.” Crystal smacked the door open. She had always made the best peace, and she knew that clinging onto her resentment for Gigi would do not much more than make her a bad person. There was also still a part of her that cared desperately for the girl, and this was an opportune time for it to show. “But never talk to me again.”

“She’s taken my sweater.” Gigi got on her knees to watch Crystal fall pathetically into Jan’s arms, Heidi rubbing her back like it meant something.  
“Probably to fucking burn it.” Jackie almost snapped. Gigi turned around to see her looking out the opposite window into nothingness. She herself was upset that Gigi had sent Crystal on her way after all the good she did for the band, for Gigi’s life.   
“Don’t you dare.” Gigi seethed. “You don’t get to comment on what happened.”  
“Really?” Jackie spun her whole body around. “Because I didn’t see you crying with her until four this morning? I didn’t see you making her something to eat and giving up your bed for her. You didn’t do any of that because you’re selfish, you always have been- ”  
“Jackie.” Heidi came back into the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. “Enough.”  
“But, Heidi- ”   
“I know.”   
Jackie stormed off into the back of the bus where Widow was hiding from all the emotional conflict. Heidi knew if she’d stayed, she’d have said all the things about Gigi that were cruel and true, and Gigi wouldn’t have stayed another night.   
“What did you give her?” The dark haired girl asked as Heidi crossed her arms and lead herself to the middle of the floor.  
“My number.”  
“Why?”  
“Why, Gigi?” Heidi scoffed. “Because once again, you’ve broken some poor girl’s heart and I’m left to pick up the pieces. Like always.”  
“You’re being dramatic.”  
“Why did you fuck her?” Heidi spat, just as Gigi was about to leave. She didn’t need to be here, Heidi had no right to be talking this out with her.  
“You don’t get to ask me that.”  
“Why did you fuck her?” She came again, harder. “Why, when Crystal was right there? She was with you.”  
“Because she came onto me!” Gigi shouted, practically leaping up from her seat. “She came onto me, and she was beautiful, and Crystal wasn’t here!”  
“She was out calling her parents, Gigi!” Heidi raised her tone to match the girl. They had never fought like this about anything, let alone some girl they’d both known for just over a fortnight. “She wasn’t two fingers deep in some other girl!”  
“That’s not what happened.” She huffed. “I made a mistake, I know. But, I went after Crystal. I didn’t stay with Rose at all. I found Crystal outside and told her that I loved her and that I was sorry.”  
“I love you isn’t something you say to someone when you’ve hurt their feelings and you don’t know what else to tell them.” the girl sat back down, looking off sternly into the distance through the front window of the vehicle. There, stood a street so familiar Gigi could taste it. She had kissed Crystal there for the first time. There had been many better kisses since then, but it was the first and held a strange place in her heart reserved only for things that felt like sanctuary. She didn’t even notice she was crying.   
"Hey, Gigi, look at me.” Heidi knelt by the girl. “Gigi, look at me, please.”  
When she turned her head, all Heidi caught was a blank glare, something not quite there. It was terrifying, as if something had just switched off inside of her. There was a girl sat on the couch, yes, but Gigi simply was not there.  
“…..Are you mad at me?” She spoke, entirely monotone.   
“No.”   
“No?” Gigi resonated. “I’m glad. I hope you can understand- ”  
“No, Gigi, I don’t understand you.” She cut the girl off. “The only reason Crystal was mad was because she had a lot of faith in you.”  
“And you didn’t?”   
“I want to say I did.” Heidi reached for the girl’s hand, speaking soft as rain. The harsh approach was clearly getting her nowhere. “You are my best friend and I would love nothing more than to tell you that I did. But I didn’t and look where it got me. I was right all along.”   
Gigi’s gaze seemed vacant for another minute or two before it caught Heidi’s. From this point, she erupted into tears right there into her friend’s arms.   
“I did such a bad thing, Heidi.” She whimpered into the crook of the girl’s neck. It didn’t take long for her entire shoulder to be completely covered in Crystal’s drool and snot as she sobbed beyond herself. Part of Heidi felt bad for comforting Gigi, but she had earnestly never seen her so distraught. When other girls would leave, the dark haired woman would put in some headphones and lay down for an hour, but this was all. Their name would never get mentioned after that. She was hysterical now and Heidi barely knew how to handle it.   
“I love Crystal. I want to be with Crystal. I wanted her like I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want her and I can’t even make that work.”  
Heidi, now sat on the couch with Gigi practically curled in her lap, did not see the conversation going this way. In her head, Gigi was going to punch her and they’d have spent the night in the ER. `Now, she wanted nothing more than to tell Gigi it would all be fine. What she had done was borderline unforgiveable, however, and she couldn’t offer any reassurance that wasn’t conditional. Gigi eventually tired herself out and fell asleep in Heidi’s lap. Even she who had stayed strong for everyone, sub came to the tempting feel of sadness. Crystal had left, and whatever happiness she exuded into that place had gone with her.

Gigi didn’t sleep much over the next couple of days. Every time she drops away, suddenly all she can dream about is Crystal. She dreamt vividly of their fight, or how it felt to see her cry, or even how she made love so unbelievably fine. It would cause her to smoke at 6am, and then stay up playing guitar until two the next morning. She was evading sleep in hopes of minimising the time she spent looking at Crystal’s body. Every single second was hell. Often, in the hours between, Gigi would roll over in bed and think about Crystal mercilessly. How had a girl she known for two weeks and a half weeks ruined her entire life? She couldn’t stop thinking about how she had hurt her and how that she never deserved a person like her. She didn’t even warrant knowing her. By the time three days had passed, she thought Crystal was probably doing okay. She had most likely forgotten all about the whole thing and decided it was time to move on whilst Gigi’s heart was quite rightfully in pieces. She just wanted to be okay. She just wanted to stop crying and to remember who she was. Gigi hadn’t given this much attention to any part of her life since she was thirteen and her parents got divorced. This bump in her life had stopped her playing music and put her career on the backline until she was sixteen and had enough sense to start playing again. This threatening reality taunted her once again, dark and looming in the very near future. She even teetered along the edge of this harsh truth by only playing half her set list at the next gig smack bang on the other side of California. Heidi had started talking to her semi normally again, but Jackie and Widow still couldn’t look her in the eyes. It was eating them up, too. Perhaps they too had faith in her that was understandably left unfulfilled, or maybe it was just killing them in the same way it was killing Gigi. She would not have been surprised if everyone on that bus had fallen for Crystal in the exact same respect.

Gigi was no stranger to after-show blues. She used to get them all the time two or three months before the whole ordeal took place. It was sensible for her to think they’d maybe gone away, but here they were again, dominant as ever as she sat backstage. If Crystal was there, they’d have laughed about how Gigi didn’t make it through the whole set list, or how she looked like shit because she hadn’t slept. They’d have laughed on the floor and Crystal would’ve leaned across and kiss Gigi’s lips softly through the dark. The nights that could’ve been haunted Gigi. Wherever Crystal was, whatever she was doing, whoever she was telling Gigi about now, hopefully her life was going better than this.   
Gigi was sad, yes, but she wasn’t stupid. If she was feeling down, she knew exactly where to go to get herself back up. The girl stood up, brushed herself off and walked back onto to the now empty stage. The crowd had withered into tiny groups as the night rapidly formed around them, and Gigi tried her best to ignore the image of Crystal that manifested on the lower stage. She wasn’t coming back. She contemplated this as she scanned the crowd and found exactly what she was looking for. Gigi had been to many shows before, she knew that if she wanted somewhere to put the sadness, there would be an after party somewhere where she could unload. It wouldn’t be full of A-listers, or people that knew what she did, but she wouldn’t be alone and she wouldn’t be sober. Gigi sighed loudly on her empty stage, this would do.

She found her means of destination through a boy named Brad who had recognised her from the stage and who immediately could not do enough for Gigi. He welcomed her into this group and offered to drive them all to the after party in his old Chevrolet Chevette. Not quite as glamorous as she imagined, but it was fine. Gigi took the first half on the car ride to think about Crystal, and how driving her anywhere felt one million times more luxurious than this. The second half was shrouded in doubt and regret as the man next to her leant over and held his hand out gently.  
“I’m Zack.”  
“Hi, Zack.” She humoured him. “Gigi.”  
“I’m familiar. We saw your show tonight.” He replied. “You must really be going through some stuff to be hanging with low lives like us.”  
Gigi looked at him for seconds at a time. His skin was olive and his hair all black and matted, curled atop his head. He was attractive, even by her standards. Crystal would’ve eaten him entirely whole.   
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”  
“I imagine the heavy, impending sadness just comes with being a rock star.” Zack turned his head away from the girl. “Like Kurt Cobain.”  
“Exactly like Kurt Cobain.” Gigi mocked him, looking back out at the window.   
“If you’re looking for a little upper.” He began, hushing his voice ever so slightly and leaning into his pocket. What he retrieved was a tiny clear bag, housing only two pink pills no bigger than the size of her pinkie.   
“What’s that?”  
“Magic.” He giggled, tossing them into her lap. Gigi picked them up and palmed them, staring down as if she had no clue what was going on. In her entire time on tour, her encounters with drugs had never been quite so close.  
“I can’t accept these from you.” She pushed them back.  
“Consider it the rock star treatment.” He just smirked, somewhat putting her at ease. “Keep them. If you take them, only take half of one. That little bag usually lasts me a month and a half, maybe two.”   
“Thanks for the tip.” She gave a light chuckle as the car pulled to a stop.  
“Just remember me when you’re famous.”

The party was at some sort of loft, from what Gigi remembers. It wasn’t exactly noteworthy, but it was a pretty space no doubt owned by the leading member of another smaller band who also played that night. Crystal would’ve liked it here, she thought. Crystal had an eye for interior design as she had an eye for most things. She would’ve just adored the wooden furnishings or the use of large plants to maximise space and minimalism. It took three minutes for Gigi to realise she had been thinking about home furnishings for longer than she was willing to admit. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, it had been doing so since the car ride.

Widow: Where are you?  
Heidi: Gigi, tell us where you’re at.  
Jackie: Heidi’s worried about you  
Heidi: Gigi, answer your phone  
Heidi: Please

Gigi stood still in a crowded room, looking up from her phone for a minute and forgetting Crystal wasn’t there. She looked for her face only to come to the reasonable conclusion they just weren’t in love anymore. With the way she had hurt the poor girl, were they ever? Did it happen because they lived together? Was it a conflict of intensity? What if seeing each other again changed everything? Gigi suddenly got the urge to see Crystal. It suddenly didn’t matter that they were a six hour bus ride away, or that Gigi couldn’t find a way to be sorry enough. It didn’t even matter that Crystal didn’t care anymore. Gigi would’ve walked back to Seattle just to stand under her window and say how very sorry she was. As if by reflex, she spun around to get to the door. She was going to do it. She was going to make things right between her and Crystal. It seemed the least she could do after all the fixing Crystal did for her. This plan was fairly decent, and for the hopeless romantic Crystal was, it might’ve worked. Might. A figure had loomed in that doorway whom Gigi had banished from all memories, and for whom she made Crystal suffer. Her body was caped in darkness like something out of a scary movie in which she would immediately jump out and kill Gigi. She wished that was true. She wished thoroughly that she didn’t have to live in this moment, and that none of it was really real.   
“Hi Gigi.” The figure stepped into the light. “it’s good to see you with some clothes on.”   
The whole thing was terrible, Gigi thought. The worst part by far was that she was still beautiful. Her face still had the ornate sculpture of a Greek goddess, and her body looked like a dream in her little black dress. Gigi was undeniably entranced by her, but more distracted by the image of Crystal’s crying face that stole her memory. It was like the night was happening all over again.  
“What are you doing here?”   
“I’m an event intern in California.” She scoffed. “I’m here all the time. The real question is, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be doing coke in some expensive bathroom or something by now?”  
“You know I’m not like that.” She growled.  
“So, come on, why are you here?” Rose teased again, motioning Gigi to come over with her finger. At this point, she was so enraged with the thought of Crystal’s absence and the remainder of the woman who had ruined everything good she had going for her.   
“Fuck off, Rose.” She exclaimed, shoving past the girl and storming to the front door through the small crowd of people congregating there.  
“What it is? You’re not playing today?” Rose followed her patronisingly.   
“Why did you try and have sex with me?” The dark haired girl spoke as she stepped outside. Her breath was visible as she spoke to the air; a horrible looming feeling that summer was ending quite rapidly. “You knew how important Crystal was to me. I told you all the way back to the bus how I was falling her, and still.”  
No, Gigi.“ Rose spoke calmly and boldly. "I never tried to have sex with anyone. You took me into you room, you took control. Yes, I initiated things but no one asked you to do anything. You slept with me completely of your own accord. You weren’t thinking about Crystal at all.”  
“You don’t get to speak to me like that.” Gigi had begun shaking.  
“oh, come on.” Rose approached slowly, one hand snaking around Gigi’s neck and the other pushing a strand of hair from her face. “It wasn’t all bad, was it? You can’t have liked Crystal that much.”   
“I….” Gigi stuttered as Rose’s soft lips touched the nape of her neck and left three dry kisses all the way to her collarbone. “I loved her.”  
“So, why are you stood here with me?” She mumbled, listening to Gigi’s pretty little whimpers and continuing to nip at her neck. “Why aren’t you chasing her? Because she left. She’s not here anymore. Live a little, Gigi.”  
“What if she knows I slept with you?” The girl moaned, tipping her head back to give Rose more leverage. She knew what was happening was bad, and that its moral influence would guilt her for days afterwards, but this didn’t negate the feeling of pleasure. Her whole body was tingling, her face was numb, she wasn’t even thinking about Crystal.  
“She doesn’t even have to know, baby.” Rose kissed Gigi gently, letting Gigi sit in the moment before yanking her forward and turning their kiss passionate. It was bliss, Gigi was sure. Rose’s body felt so good pressed against hers, her thigh shoved in-between Gigi’s separated legs. Gigi was seconds away from tears already. Rose let her hands wander down, gently squeezing Gigi’s ass to which she let pretty words tumble from her mouth. Except, to her, it wasn’t so beautiful.   
“Did you just say Crystal’s name?”   
“Uh..” Gigi whined as the redhead backed up. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

Within seconds, she had left Rose feeling very confused and very disappointed. By the time Rose even started to leave, Gigi was already upstairs slamming the bathroom door shut and crying against its hardwood pattern. Crystal was gone for seconds, and now here she was again, big and demanding. For such a quiet person, it was strange how Crystal almost commanded that she was felt. To think there were other people in the world who had loved her for longer and lost her harder, and how bittersweet this must’ve been. The girl scrambled to the counter, throwing out the tiny bag of pills and looking at them with desperation. She was just hoping it would make it better. Hoping it would help her out. Hoping it would take the pain away so that for at least a minute or two she wasn’t thinking about Crystal’s face looking up at her from among the bedsheets. She didn’t have time to get a drink, she was exhausted and wanted done with now. Gigi shoved both tablets into her mouth, immediately turning the tap on and gulping water from her cupped hands. She looked disgusting. Mascara streaming down her face, water running down her chin and pooling on her chest. She had no idea how long she stared at herself in the mirror. It must’ve been about fifteen minutes of reminding herself how hated she was, and how terribly she had acted. How hurt Crystal must’ve been. It was only as all these thoughts came flooding back that Gigi touched her face and felt the blood trickling down her nose. Suddenly, she couldn’t feel her head, or hands, or feet. If these were her last moments, she was terrified. It was an hour before anyone found her that night, on the floor of the bathroom and the sink overflowing onto her unresponsive body.


	6. Ch6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW // HOSPTIAL

It was not easy for Gigi to live after her crime had been committed. When she woke up, she was being held by a man in a large green shirt who more than insisted on checking her vitals. Immediately, she knew what had happened, and sobbed in his strong arms. For once, it wasn't about Crystal. It was about her integrity. Her band wasn't exactly famous, but if word got out that she overdosed at a stranger's house party, then they never would be either. She would let everyone down. Especially Heidi, who had been a guardian to her the entire time. She would be devastated. Her heart; broken on the floor of their one-story tour bus. Alas, as sudden as it wasn't about Gigi, it was again. This would readily become the reason they wouldn't talk. In fact, Crystal was probably at home asleep in Seattle, the whole event unknown to her yet. Perhaps she would never find out. Maybe they would never speak again, and the poor girl would never have any chance to find out. Either way, Gigi had damaged herself, and lay in her ambulance wondering when she'd be dead, and how it would undoubtedly make Crystal feel.

Heidi stayed up all night in the hospital waiting room. Around her, sleeping band members snored and dozed on sets of seats and on linoleum floors. Their levels of comfort could not be reached by the girl, she was dreaming off far off places where Gigi wasn't half dead and where the band was as famous as they could've been. She wouldn't ever tell Gigi until it was much too late to process, but after she had left for the house, Heidi was approached by a talent agent. A name she couldn't reveal until things were much more secure. They wanted the band to do an EP. They wanted them to go to a studio, to a place where magic is made. They wanted to make Gigi famous. Heidi pushed her head back against the wall and thought about how excited she was to go back to the van and let Gigi know. How happy she was that it seemed all their hard work payed off. How very scared she was to see Gigi's sheets empty and cold in the bed. It was as if no one had ever slept in them at all. Heidi knew something was wrong immediately. Now, here she was. Sat in a waiting room, wanting nothing more than to be perfectly wrong about the entire thing. Perhaps, she would get up and be fine. Perhaps, Heidi would stop dreaming and would wake up in a cold sweat, go to find Gigi and cry the whole night through. As fate would have it, neither of these things would become of the whole situation. She simply sat against the wall, drowning her sorrows in ice chips until a young man in a long white jacket approached her slowly. His beard was grown patchy, and this eyes were tired and shrunken inside his head. They looked at each other for a moment before any word were spoke, knowing that neither of them wanted to be here. He reached up his to scratch his eyes before he spoke, and Heidi waited with anticipation for his news.

"Miss. Goode?"   
"Yes?" She leaned forward to meet his sleepy gaze.   
"Well, I have good news and I have bad news." The doctor sighed. "The good news is, she's stable and making a good way to recovery. She's on a steady drip of Narcan. Bad news, somebody already came to see her, so her room won't be available for the next half hour."   
Although Heidi already knew who would be in that room, she felt the need to press on.   
"Who?" She faked. "Whoever it was wasn't with us. Why did you let them in?"   
"Whoever's it was demanded that she wanted to see your friend immediately. That she'd been driving all night and that her and your friend had some kind of relationship. She was adamant, there was nothing we could do."   
"And, I can't see her at all?"   
"Not for another half hour, I'm sorry."   
"Please?"   
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, there's just nothing I can do."   
"Look, she sighed. "I just found my friend passed out and half dead on a stranger's bathroom floor, I've waited three hours, I thought she was going to die. You either let me in there for ten minutes, or I'll be letting myself in there with or without your permission."   
The man looked defeated back at his receptionist, and then back to Heidi. There was a subtle reminder that it was 3am, everyone was tired, and everyone wanted nothing more than to be returned to their creature comforts.   
"Fine." He breathed. "You can have ten minutes."   
"Good, I should think so." She barged past him. Let it be noted, Heidi was not that type of girl to barge, and demand. She was never the type of girl to ask. Gigi, however, was more important.   
Knowing that the girl sat lonely in her hospital bed, this was enough to drive Heidi through all the crowds in the world. Now, there was a mediator. Crystal was there. Realistically, it could have been anyone. It could have been someone from the house party she was at, or one of Gigi's old friends from out of town, there was even a slight chance it was one of her parents who had put their past behind them and flew in to see her. Secretly, she knew it was Crystal. She knew deep down the second Crystal found out that Gigi was in trouble, she made any person she could find with a car to drive her across states to fix the problem with her own two hands.

The room in which Gigi was contained looked like something from the movies. It was dull, and lifeless, and writhing in its own filth. The blowing fades of summer dripped sweat down the walls, and Heidi immediately felt unclean. As if there was somewhere else in the world she would rather be. To make things neither worse nor better, Crystal sat lifeless in the room pushed into the darkness away from the bed, dark skinned woman hung over her in shame. That must have been Jan, but she never could have been sure. They didn't even talk. Just shared awkward silences and a slight glance of facing the scariest thing both of them would ever face for the next year and a half.   
"Heidi..." The girl in the bed croaked loudly. Her dry throat swallowed and filled the room with tension. "Heidi, is that you?"  
"You're awake." She paced towards the bed.   
"Heidi, I was so scared. I was terrified." She sobbed immediately, desperately clinging to the ends of the taller woman's cardigan. "I thought I was going to die."  
"Gigi." Heidi calmly patted the girls back gently. The wetness of her tears was sopped up by Heidi's shirt, and the girl couldn't help but feel slightly disgusted.   
"One minute I was looking in the mirror, and the next I was being stabbed with needles. I was terrified, Heidi, I didn't know what had happened. You were the only person in the world I wanted to see. You, and the girls, and Crystal."   
Gigi, body cold and frail, moved in towards Heidi, pushing herself under the girl's wing.   
"And, oh god, Crystal." She trembled. "I did something terrible, Heidi, something bad."  
Heidi lifted her friends chin, already knowing underneath what she did and why.  
"What did you do?"   
"That girl. Rose. Remember?"   
"Gigi. Please just calm down."  
"She was here, with me, at the house. I kissed her. I wanted her so bad, Heidi. I wanted to have her in my arms that very second, but I couldn't stop thinking about Crystal."  
"You saw her again?" Crystal practically leapt from her seat in shock, electrified by the anger and resentment.  
"Crystal!" She jolted around.   
"God, can you do nothing right?!" She shouted, startling Jan in her stride. "Since I came with you on this trip, you have done nothing but break my heart. What did I do to you?! I have been nothing but nice to you."  
"Crystal, I know! I never would've told you, you weren't ever supposed to know."  
"So, you broke my heart, and you wanted to lie to me about it?" She began to cry, not realising the severity of the situation Gigi had put herself in. "Gigi, you are a horrible person. I wish I'd never met you, and I mean that. You put me through hell, and I could never forgive you. I'm going back home tonight. Don't call, don't text me, don't talk to me ever again."   
Crystal poured the slight ounce of effort she had into storming out the room and into the hallway which had since cleared up since she got there. It was duller than before, with an air of calm about the place she was seconds away from disrupting. Inside, Crystal wasn't really that made. There was only a singular futile projection in telling Gigi that she was forgiven. Crystal forgave her many days ago, realising that crying on the balcony of her parent's summer home got her nowhere. To think that the whole incident had all happened in a matter of seconds, it could not resonate with her even slightly. It was painful, even, how sickly Gigi had looked, how her voice was hoarse, and how they had just lost all respect for each other in less time it took than to gain it.

"I don't know why you came." Jan huffed, slowing down from speeding after the girl. "This whole thing was stupid."   
"I know, I just didn't- "   
"Crystal!" A much deeper voice huffed. It was Gigi, stood there with her vitals dripping off her arm, and head hollow. She was sweating profusely, and looked horrible all over. "Please. Let me talk to you."  
"Gigi, get back in that room. I don't want to see you."   
"Please."  
"Gigi d-"  
"Crystal, I'm begging you"  
"No!" She broke, alerting all the hospital staff, few of which ran at Gigi, clearly distressed. "God, Gigi! After all you did to me, I'm expected to sit here and talk it out with you! Well, I'm done with you, you've had enough chances. I want you out of my life. I'm leaving tonight."  
Crystal turned away, eyes full of tears and clenched her fist. Inside, a civil of war of love and anger whirred up its own storm on her heart. She couldn't even bare to see her again, yet stopped before the hospital door to wait out the silence.  
"And I never wanna see you in this hospital again, hear me?" She spat, through gritted teeth. "And you know, I think it's awfully selfish of you to overdose days after you ruined my life. I thought you were dead."  
One swift look over the shoulder gave rise to the view of Gigi stood there, huffing in her own exhaustion and leaning on the arms of a nurse either side of her.   
"Look at what you've done to yourself. Your band. Us. You only think about yourself, that's very obvious to me now."  
"But, I love you, Crystal." She uttered weakly. Heidi stood to the side, chest puffed in response to all the horrible words Crystal had said. She wanted to hurt her, seeing what the words were doing to Gigi. It was true that Crystal was angry, but it was also true that Gigi was in desperate need of her support. All of a sudden, it became more about Heidi's rejection than it was ever about Crystal and Gigi being together.   
"No. You loved me once, and all it got me was pain and strife. You don't love me, because you don't hurt people you love." Crystal shivered. "You don't love me, and I don't love you. That's what it's like now."  
There was a long sigh before she spoke again.   
"Heidi, get her cleaned up. I'm heading home tomorrow morning."   
There was a nod, and then she was gone. For a moment, Gigi had her again. Her perfume lingered the room and if she closed her eyes, she was back there. She was strewn along the bedsheets, with Crystal curled up next to her. She was asleep, and she always looked so pretty when she slept. Gigi had always said she loved to watch Crystal go, but this time, it was horrible. She had watch her leave without knowing if she was ever going to come back, or if she was going to see her again; and this was the worst torment she had ever experienced.


	7. Ch 7

Crystal did not return to her parents home that faithful summer night, and instead perched Jan and her in the empty corner of the couch of an all too well known tour bus. All night, she thought about how suddenly, there were worlds of space between her and Gigi. The difference was unfathomable. One day, there are starstruck lovers pandering at each others feet, the next, they are enemies. Whilst she was sure Gigi didn't hate her, Crystal couldn't help but grasp at the affection she once had. It was gone now. Never to be returned to that little tourbus now bound for Ohio at Heidi's request. Soon, the band would be touring again, Crystal would go home. There would be no place in history for them. It was this she reflected on as she sat next to Jan, awake on the early Sunday morning. All the time she had spent in Gigi's arms, where would it go? What would happen to it now that it didn't really exist anymore? Perhaps, Gigi would place it high on a shelf for her to look out when she wanted to be kept out of trouble. Perhaps, it would be used as a catalyst for her many endeavours that would follow and whenever things would go dark, there would be Crystal, naked and pale among the sheets. Gigi wondered this too with an added sense of guilt; not being able to shake the feeling that she was the reason there was a broken heart lingering her halls like a ghost that just wouldn't leave. She lay there, having only been back on the bus for a day or so, feeling godawful and recovering slowly. Yet, the only thing on her mind was Crystal. The way she cried when she saw Gigi in bed. The way her eyes couldn't drive themselves away from the drip hanging out of her arm. It was as if she was the sick one, and Gigi was nothing but her illness driving her slowly to madness. Crystal said she has stayed because she was too weary to make the drive back. Gigi knew that the morning was slowly rising, as it had been forever, and Crystal was staying to protect her. There was a world of dangerous for Gigi to meddle with, and Crystal was slowly becoming her guardian angel. Knowing Crystal was sleeping outside was hell enough, it probably would've killed her to know the girl was sat right there, leaning against and yearning for a touch. It was Heidi who was to watch this spectacle from afar, half romanticised and half disgusted by what she had seen, and what they were becoming.   
"You're awake." She chuckled, startling the girl propped against the door. "Door comfy or something?"  
"I don't know how I ended up here. Must've sleep walked, or something." Crystal bluffed. Heidi knelt down beside her, moving a strand of hair from her face. The pain in her eyes was unbearable and present, as if it flooded her whole face.  
"You know, perhaps talking to her wouldn't be such a bad idea." She suggested. "Perhaps you guys aren't going to get your coming of age love story, but at least you get to be friends. Not everyone gets that chance."  
"It's just, all the things I said to her Heidi." She sighed. "They were so mean."  
"You were just hurt, understandably. I can't say I'd have been pretty nice either."  
Crystal had nothing else to say. If she opened her mouth to respond, symphonies about Gigi would've just tumbled out. Sonnets about her love for her. It would've been so terrifyingly poetic, Crystal quietened down to hide her rupture.   
"Why don't you go make some breakfast, and I'll talk to her." Heidi concluded gently, with a small pat to the cheek. Crystal wanted to plead against her, but couldn't find the energy within her, therefore moved across the kitchen, and watched Heidi enter the room.

Heidi thought about what she could've saw in that room. There were a lot of possibilities, but what she didn't expect to see was Gigi, propped up against the window, and looking off into the distance of the bus, which had stopped somewhere in the middle of two sand dunes, mid state.  
"Gigi-"  
"Tell me she was out there." She sighed.  
"Tell me how you're feeling, Gigi."  
"Is she out there?" The girl turned around. Her face stood pale and empty of all presence under the sunlight of the western glow. "Tell me she's not gone home. I have to have her with me. I need to talk to her."  
"She's asleep, Gigi." The girl sighed. "There's nothing you can do as of now."   
Gigi looked Heidi up and down, and then back out of the landscape. The two stood in silence for minutes at a time until Heidi felt the substantial bravery to sit down on the bed.  
"There's a big black car just up the road." The girl by the window opened the window. "And as for how I'm feeling, I feel like I've been hit by a truck."   
"I know." Heidi leant forward into her own palms, realising how much Gigi was a burden on the success of this band. She was always the most dramatic, and had the most flare. Heidi always thought Gigi would have the first of their drug related incidents. However, when she imagined it, it was much later on down the line for them, and she was married to a rich drug lord, and it'd cause them to split up. She didn't see it happening here, now, when her career was cusping and when she had four other people to think about. "That's actually what I wanted to talk about."  
"The car?"  
"No, Gigi." Heidi came, walking to the window to stand by her friends. "When you were taken to hospital…the man in that car, he approached me, Gigi, he wants to make an EP."  
"Well, he's missed his chance." The girl stated, suddenly reaching out to close the blind of the room.   
"What do you mean he's missed his chance?"  
"Well, I'm a recovering overdose patient, I have no material left, and I don't even want to be in a band anymore"  
"You don't?"  
"No. The only thing I want is Crystal."  
"Crystal!" Heidi near shouted. "I love the girl as much as you do, but you can't put her in the way of what you, and I, and both those beautiful girls out there have been working towards."  
"Heidi, look." Gigi stated, calmly removing a cigarette packet from her pocket. The pack was red, white, and cheap causing Heidi to wince in her footsteps. "I want to marry Crystal. She's the only good thing on this planet."   
"You know what Crystal is, Gigi? She's right. You're selfish. So very selfish." The taller girl seethed, lashing a sweater from the bed into Gigi's grasp along with a forgotten notion about how frail her body was. She never did say sorry, but Gigi wasn't sorry, and there was no room for remorse where broken dreams live. "I hope this bring you everything you want."

Heidi yanked the door handle with such vigorous authority, it smacked against the wall of the bus and initiated the turning off all faces to meet her attention. One such giver was an pale white man, tall and built, face crowded with aged stubble and hair dripping with gel.   
"Trouble in paradise?" He chuckled.  
"Crystal, who is th-"  
"I'm Brian Elmer, president of E.L. records." He proceeded with more caution, offering his sweaty hand out for Heidi to loosely shake. "One of my associates approached you at the show."   
"Yes, I remember." She sighed. "I thought you'd be quite a while away yet, your car is still heading down by the desert path."  
"Yes, my driver is circling the area. I told him I wouldn't be long."  
The way he stood soundly in the middle of the place allowed the room to give itself it him. He was smiling, and shaking hands as if he was in some way subservient to , but there was always the gentle recognition that the world bowed to his handsome arrogance.   
"Are you the front-man?" He came again.  
"I'm the front-man." Gigi exited her room with a slow and fluid motion, shutting the door and breathing in her cigarette with her other hand. She looked horrible, dressed down in her shorts, old shirt and sunglasses on top of her head. Heidi couldn't do much but dismiss her out of bounds.  
"You don't look like much of a front man." The promoter chuckled. Gigi wasn't being confident, she was being fake. Everyone in the room was driven to sickness with her mere conceit.   
"You can't say that." Crystal chirped in. No one in the focus of the conversation had even noticed her inclusion. In many ways, she was only there for Gigi. She was going to do anything to get her band on the map, and this wasn't exclusionary to disregarding her healing.   
Gigi, however, melted calmly into her own undeserved arrogance and held her hand up to silence Crystal, following a fall into the couch.   
"What can I help you with, Mr. Elmer?" She smiled. "Since you're so knowledgeable about what a front man should and shouldn't be?"   
"Gigi." Heidi barked through her teeth. She had always known the girl was cocky, perhaps even challenging; but she had never seen her this pedantic and horrid to be around.   
"It's quite alright." He pushed both of this hands in his pockets. "I just have this paperwork for you to sign and then I can be on my way."  
The much taller man reached into his open folder and handed a single piece of paper to Jan, who hadn't long woken up and who's presence also didn't register.   
"When for?"  
"Well-" The gentleman tried to exhibit, watching Jan with disdain as she gave the paper no grace.  
"And where? We're on the way to Ohio, I don't have time to come running at your beck and call."  
"Gigi!" Heidi shouted. "You're being an asshole!"  
The room settled into a quiet anxiety, as Gigi stood slowly to her feet and wiped her shirt down. It was as if she preparing for something, and stood no less than two inches below the man.   
"You're all like, aren't you?" He smirked, handsomely. "All of you leading members. You all think you're gods gift to the people of earth. You all think you're giving something to me. Let me tell you, sunshine, you aren't. I get my cut of the money whether you're there or you aren't."  
"It's in California." Jan yawned. "A week from now."   
"A week?" Crystal growled from the corner. "We'd have to turn the trip around! Gigi you have other shows."  
"Well, cancel them." He demanded.  
"We couldn't do it anyway, it's too soon, Gigis…. she's uhm…" Heidi fumbled over words until Gigi took over with strife.   
"Not well." She stated. "I'm not well."  
"You look well enough." He stood closer to her as to be directly in her face. "What's up with you?"  
"She's not well." Crystal batted in once again, leaping off the counter to approach the situation. The enemy they all had made was much taller than she was, and seemed to tower over her even from a distance.   
"Yeah, she's-" Heidi started again.  
"I'm recovering from an overdose." Gigi bit. The word stung the room, and suddenly all eyes were on Crystal, who seemed to wince. Once again, she saw Gigi's hospital corpse writhing in her room. It was vile to even think of.   
The much larger gentleman suddenly snatched the paper from Jan and held it tightly in his hand.  
"Well, kid." He sighed, shoving his fist towards her chest for her to take the contract. The contact with which they were involved was filled with terror, and the realisation her whole career came to a pinnacle in this moment. "You wanna be famous? There's gonna be a lot more where that came from. This is gonna be second nature to you in no time, that's the reality. People are gonna be offering you all kinds of shit left, right and centre. So, I suggest you grow up if you want any part in this industry at all. Hear me?"  
He took a short breath to regain clarity, and let go of the paper. Gigi didn't know it yet, but the signing of her soul came along with that moment too. If she could go back and do it all again, she wasn't so sure she would.

"Just sign that, and have it with you when you come to my office." The large man spoke, and turned around to leave. He walked with purpose towards the door, knowing all eyes were on him and no one was looking away as he graced the exit with his mere steps. Before he could leave, he looked at Crystal. Like everyone knew and everyone thought, she was extremely beautiful and had no business in the company of a couple of band girls from far out north.   
"And I want that song playing." He demanded, not taking his eyes off the small girl. "The one you sang for that beautiful girl."  
Crystal could only take steps towards Heidi, who placed a hand on her back and gave her hope that she was protected if she stayed.   
"And Gigi, is it?" He turned.  
She nodded in embarrassment.  
"It might be within you best interests to sign your position over to someone more…approachable. Someone more, as they say…financially attractive."   
Gigi sat calm, knowing the blood of those surrounding her was pooled with rage. She knew men like the one in the suit just before her were nothing if not reactions of the women around him, and so spoke nothing. Said nothing. Left his longing for power silent and empty as it was often when he had no women to torture.   
"Goodbye Mr. Elmer." Heidi let go of Crystal to shoo him out. "I look forward to being in contact with you. Have a safe journey back to California."   
He looked at Heidi, and then past her shoulder to Crystal. She was perfect, and perfect was a word that could juxtapose the whole previous ten minutes of his life.  
"Call me if you have any questions."

Crystal hobbled up onto the sofa beside Gigi just to watch him leave. He was horrid, and vile in all ways it was possible for a person to be horrible and vile. Yet, something ingrained shuffled around inside of her. The whisper of attraction, and the feeling of need. She was very fond of his looks, but his true quality was that he was downright horrible, and Crystal couldn't help but feed from it.  
"I hope his plane crashes." Gigi growled.  
"And what?" Heidi retaliated. "We miss our shot at something big? For one second of your life, Gigi, could you quit acting like an asshole? Imagine if the other girls saw that! They would've been disgusted with you."  
"He was horrible to me, Heidi, he said-"   
"I know what he said, okay?" She softened her tone. "But, Gigi, listen to me. If this were any other circumstance, I'd say go for it. But, it isn't. This is our future. And, if you want to be successful, you have to just shut up, sit down, and take it, okay?"  
In light of Heidi's plea for success, Gigi thought she might argue on many points. The silence of women, the lack of women in music, the suppression of the voices of the women who are bold as she was often. As usual, however, she chose none of her points. She subsided to Heidi's motherly obedience and sat next to Crystal, yet to turn around and watching the car drive up the path. She was sitting down, shutting up, and taking it.  
"Thank you." She added. "Now hand me the contract. I'll check the fine print."   
Gigi did as she was told, and watched her friend leave before she turned to Crystal.   
"Thank you for having my back."   
"I don't have your back." The blonde lied. "I wanted your band to succeed, not for you, but for the other girls who don't just claim to like me."  
Gigi took it once more.   
"Okay, well, it meant a lot."   
"I think I should get going." Crystal suddenly stood to her feet, wiping down her pants. "Our car doesn't have much gas, we wouldn't make it a mile up the road even if we tried."   
"Stay here, Crystal." She insisted. "It's an awful long drive back to Seattle."  
"I can't be here with you."  
"Then don't be with me." Gigi sighed. "Travel in the car. You can have my room. I'll sleep on the couch. Anything for you to stay with me."   
Crystal shot her the glance she always did when something was wrong.  
"Sorry. With me, with them. Crystal, there's girls here who need your support."  
"I can't stay just for that." She reasoned. "I can barely be in the same room as you."  
"Crystal, one of the only things you've asked me since I was up from that night is was I scared." Gigi paced herself. "And the truth is, yes I was scared. But I wasn't scared I was going to die, or my shows would have to be cancelled. I was scared I wasn't going to get to see you again."   
Crystal couldn't help but be plunged into a simmering pool of cold guilt, watching Gigi's bleeding heart seep the floor.   
"So, stay, okay?" She asked, finally. "Just till California. And if you still hate me by then, and if my music career goes up in flames, you can move back to Seattle. I won't bother you ever again."  
The shorter girl was terrified of being without Gigi. She had become so caught up in the whirlwind that there was a constant worry she didn't know who was without it. She had already known what was going to happen the first time Gigi was asked to stay. All she could do was sit near the door, hoping any minute, she would find to the courage to get up and leave, knowing all too well she probably never would.


	8. ch8

By the time they had reached California, the band had been drained of all emotion. Gigi seemed the cheeriest of all of them, which Crystal harboured a lonely detest for. It was unfair how very okay she was, and how much Crystal struggled for sanity. Every night narrowed the same strange, dark alley of watching the girl she loved dying in a hospital. Images too vile to name haunted her and refused the let her rest. She was the one dying now, and Gigi was fine. She was fine walking off the bus into the California heat, fine throwing her jacket on the ground and fine lighting her own cigarette. She was as fine as fine people are.   
“I know California’s going through a heat wave, but this is just something else.” She stated.   
Monet smiled and leapt to the floor after her, letting dust arise her feet.   
“The winds are going the other way”  
The two developed an unlikely friendship, which lasted throughout the journey thus far. It was a true and unaltered testament to how Gigi could make anyone fall to her feet.  
“California winds.” The taller girl smirked. “That sounds like a song. Heidi! Write in the book.”  
“Write it yourself.” Heidi emerged struggling from the bedroom, large backpack strapped to her and water bottle clasped in hand. “The book was your stupid idea anyway.”

‘The book’ as it was so notoriously named was one of Gigi’s sudden 2am urges. She had awoken and rushed to the kitchen, empty diary in one hand, pen in the other. It was some sort of desperate grasp on the afterlife, knowing that whoever found Gigi after she had died, would find her with the book clutched to her chest. It would be known she was a lyrical genius. By the time Crystal found her, she had passed out on the couch with the book a strewn on the coffee table. It was a mess of ink spills, glue, and a little blood. Crystal could only snigger.   
“There’s a lot of songs here.” She noted to Gigi’s sleeping body.  
“hm?”  
“Your book.” She held up the mess. “It’s almost full.”   
“Yes.” The girl sleepily rolled over. “I’ve written a lot. It suspends me.”   
“Are any of them about me?” Crystal asked, letting her heart slip irresponsibly from her head.  
“No.” Gigi sighed, suddenly propping herself up on her elbow to turn the dial on her transistor radio. The room suddenly filled with a melodic resonance that lit a smile on the girl’s face and demanded her face back into the pillow. “None of them are about you. I don’t want to write a song about you, I want to write a song that is as beautiful as you are. No song is that beautiful. I know I’ll be writing until the day I die.”   
Crystal’s face lit the dark room. It was if flowers were blooming in her very soul.   
“Sometimes, I think you could make me fall in love with you again.”  
“It’s why I write.” Gigi rolled over.  
Crystal left that evening with a deep want inside her. It was a want she knew only Gigi could fill. It was a want that left her wanting to everything Gigi touched, everything she encountered, everything that was part of her. And now it was the day that was going to give Gigi everything she ever wanted. It would appear as if Crystal was no longer one of those things.

It was this sequence of heartbreak and melodrama that walked Crystal ten feet behind Gigi, dreaming of touching her hand in the warm California heat. She thought of Paris once more, and how it would never happen. A barren landscape of thought where her heart could wander, but she would never really be a part of again.   
“I can’t believe you’re still here.” Monet whispered, falling behind the group.   
“I feel like I was on the adventure of a lifetime.” She sighed. “And it went to shit for me.”  
It came to Crystal suddenly that the adventure was not the tour, but rather Gigi herself. The way she smiled, the way she walked, and the way she looked at Crystal with a glint of hope that seemed to whisper, 'you’re all I think about.’. This was all a thrill in its own right.

The building stood no bigger than 200 meters off the floor and was no bigger than a local restaurant. It sat squatting in dust and growing weeds, sprouting bountiful amounts of litter and moss up the exposed brick. A glass sign reading 'Elmer Records Inc.“ hung off the hutted roof and blew gently in the wing, the 'R’ hanging by a thread that the right strength gale would knock off. Whatever the building was, it was entirely evident Mr. Elmer had never been here and was never intended to be.   
"This is where dreams go to die.” Heidi sighed, slapping her hand on Gigi’s back. The girl looked back to see Crystal, hair sweeping in the gentle breeze and squinting into the face of the sun.   
“We’re just paying our dues.” She cracked a dry smile.   
“I pay mine just by living with you.” Jackie stated, pushing her way to the door of the establishment, which rang a small bell when opened. Crystal barely stifled a laugh, which made Gigi. It was a pleasant moment where the taller girl wandered over and threw her arm around Crystal. To be back in the space, to be close to her perfume, and to feel her soft skin again; It was Crystal’s dream. How badly she wanted to place a kiss upon her neck as they walked side by side, and how badly she wished she had done. Instead, she resorted to her principles, which had always saved her. She left Gigi’s grip, politely letting her know they weren’t there yet, and in fact, they weren’t much closer from hurt either. Gigi’s path was long and uneven, but it was to be travelled with a smile.

A young man jumped the at the bell, dropping his magazine by his feet and moving his hair from his eyes. He stood no taller than Gigi and seemed to quiver in her very presence. It was truth that whoever, or whatever encountered Gigi, would fall into her arms just as he was doing.   
“Who are you?” He coughed.  
“Mr. Elmer sent us.” Heidi butted in front of the tall girl.  
“And you guys actually came?”   
The young man, who would come to make himself known as Ethan, ran his chubby fingers through a black book, stopping on the afternoon’s date. “No one ever comes here.”  
“Pardon me being rude.” Crystal joined in. “But, where is Mr. Elmer? I’d like to speak with him.”  
“Mr. Elmer isn’t here. He hasn’t been here since he had this place built.”  
“He sent us to his office?”  
“He sent you here.” Ethan chuckled, closing the book shut. Gigi could’ve swore she watched dust erupt into the air. “Most bands don’t even show up.”  
“We’re not like other bands.” Heidi’s voice somewhat cracked.   
The younger boy looked on at his four female counterparts in sadness and in empathy. To anyone who didn’t realise the dream, or know the songs, perhaps they were just another band. Just another group that would put on the headphones and sing the songs, but not know they’d burn out in their own garage. He could almost point it out now as they stood there. Asia would have kids and be married, Jackie would run off with a famous model, Heidi would cause the split, and Gigi would be dead by thirty. It was a fate that befell all those who ran after fame.

Crystal seemed the steer towards Gigi as they pondered towards a glass door at the very rear of the studio. It was heavily unlikely that this would make them famous, but she wondered in depth about what if it did. Gigi would forget her, no doubt. There will always be more women to have sex with. There would never be another Crystal, however. There would never be a girl who hit the same spot quite so gently.

The large man coughed as he opened up the space. It nothing more than an old shoebox with a glass screen covered in fingerprints and four pairs of headphones attached to a board of red and green turn-buttons. Having been not used for fourteen years prior, dust had collected in palpable chunks around the room, and it seemed as if dustbowls began to sweep the floor as they poured in.  
“You seem like half decent girls.” He stated. “I’m surprised Mr. Elmer didn’t invite you to record in his office in upstate New York.”  
“New York!?” Heidi exclaimed. “We were a hell of a lot closer to New York than here, we missed four shows just to be here!”  
“He only usually pulls this kind of stunt if a client really pissed him off.” Ethan stated, flicking the lights on inside of the booth. The interior was littered with packets, cups, and mugs, with unknown liquid drying down the side of the red leather walls. Crystal winced at the image.   
“Oh, thanks a lot Gigi.” Jackie exclaimed, suddenly shoving a guitar onto the girl’s chest. Crystal couldn’t help but snicker at the girl’s resentful fire. It was as if she was saying aloud everything the brunette thought of. Nothing in the world could have gave her more satisfaction in those moments. The taller girl proceeded to storm to the booth and swing the door open, allowing the plastic panels to slam against their wood backing and shake the whole room.   
In her furious streak, she yanked a bass chord from the wall and shoved a pair of headphones around her neck.  
“Are you guys coming or what?”

Recording seemed to pass slow for almost everybody. Especially Gigi. The music she once loved was tarnished by the idea there wasn’t a short brunette girl cheered for her in the front row. Never again would she look down to see Crystal’s face smiling up for her. Not in this context, not in any. There, singing into a dusty microphone, she watched the girl lazily. In the moment, she was lay on swivel chair in the corner of the room, both legs draped over the side, and face innocently reading through the lyrics of the songs through and through. They would lock eyes for a split every time Crystal reached a particular song, reminding Gigi of how she had played it the night of the events. She had played it every night, and every morning if she were honest. How it filled the air with Crystal’s sweet smile, and her gentle tapping. It was heaven on earth back when everything was good. Now, it seemed her only suitable punishment. To sing that cursed melody as Crystal overlooked with powerful omnipotence to which Gigi would bow. Crystal seemingly saw it the same way. The world’s greatest tragedy; to have her favourite piece of music dragged through the mud and slandered by someone who wasn’t half as appreciative as she was. Gigi could pretend she knew music, but it was universal truth that she didn’t. She knew how to keep a demographic but showed Crystal no knowledge of real music. Music is a preservation of the soul, she imagined. Some kind of alchemic force that never forgets how to soothe a heart. Gigi saw it as a job, not as a lover. Still, Crystal could not deny the adoration she preserved herself. Unlike music, this one was inconsistent, and entirely unreliable. It was perhaps strongest now when Gigi slaved over her guitar, shirt rolled up around the shoulders and sweaty hair in her face. It was such a brute attraction, she thought. So wild, and so raw she could barely sit still She sang and strummed as if her life depended on it and took a second to run her hands through her hair every now and then. Crystal focussed rather quietly on the way she gripped her guitar. The one thing that brought her joy and was hardly seen without. It reminded her of the grip the girl had on both of her shoulders the night they made love for the first time. It was thrilling, and happy, but ultimately disappointed, as things with Gigi often were.

When the time came to a close end, and Monet had drifted back asleep into the studio corner, Ethan rubbed his eyes sleepily. Gigi had known it was going to be this way along. She sighed and grabbed the microphone with both hands.   
“I’m happy to let Heidi sing this song.”   
“But you’ve sang the rest?” He gestured.   
“And I want Heidi to sing this one.” She sighed, making eyes over at Crystal. The brunette looked dumbfounded, eyes like saucepans, and spinning her legs around in the chair. Gigi once told her that she always knew what to do when it was needed. This was one of those times. Gigi did the right thing and would persist to do so for Crystal. Heidi swallowed hard, knowing it was not only the general public she had to impress, but Crystal as well. She was the finest critic of them all, as she without a doubt loved Gigi. She loved Heidi also, but in a much different way. The love her and Gigi shared was nothing short of terrible magic. It was scary, and painful as she stood at the mic, feeling Gigi’s ghostly fingers still gripping.   
“Are you sure?” She mouthed. Gigi held the bass loosely and nodded.   
From that pivotal point, Gigi knew Crystal would feel even more lost. She didn’t have the girl she loved her, and now she didn’t even have the song that saved it all. The song from the car, and the song from the stage. The song that was Gigi’s last lament before everything fled downhill. It was coming from Heidi’s mouth now. The soft French notes and airy kisses all traded for Heidi’s deep and raspy voice, fading to Gigi riding out the chords. Crystal was wincing, filling the room with tension. It was as if it hurt to hear. The vowels sounded different, as if their love sounded much different in Heidi’s mouth. It was enough to drive her nearly mad. It was maddening enough for her to leap up from her chair and cut the music off by the knob.   
“What?” Gigi removed a side of her headphones.  
“Gigi.” She demanded. “You sing the song.”  
“What?” she repeated.   
“She’s right.” Heidi removed her guitar. “You sing the song. You’re the only one who can do it justice.”  
“I can’t sing it.” Her voice shook. “It’s not fair on Crystal. I don’t want to.”  
“Do it for me.” Crystal came closer to Ethan’s mic. “If you don’t want to do it for the band. Do it for me. Please.”  
From the corner, Jackie coughed quietly.   
“It’s the least you could do.”  
She was right, it was the least she could do. The very least. She had broken Crystal and dragged her halfway across the country; if she wanted a song singing, Gigi had to comply. She handed the bass over to Heidi and slipped back into her guitar. It was visible to Crystal how much more comfortable it felt on her shoulder, and how well it fit into her hand. Gigi took one more look over, never one to deny herself that final surge over enemy lines, and whispered,  
“Are you sure?”  
Crystal nodded, biting her nails and sitting back down next to Monet’s sleeping body. Gigi was constantly the reason Crystal was sacrificing, and this one seemed larger than most. She saw the attachment to the song, and the attachment between her and the girl she loved. It seemed in many ways she was giving up both.   
Suddenly, the room was alight with beautiful French undertones, and the perfect hum of Gigi’s warm voice. It melted gently over the notes and seemed to kiss the air wonderfully. Crystal almost cried from opulence. Instead, she watched closely to the way that Gigi fixed her sleeves and moved her hair from her eyes. It was evident she loved the song, and she knew it well. Somewhere among those notes, she knew there was Crystal. Or, what was left of Crystal after what Gigi put her through. She sought out to find Crystal, to see her among the music and to appreciate her in the lyrics. She still loved her after all. The notes felt so right in her throat, and so good in the booth. What she would soon recognise, what this would be a turning point for her. Gigi, after this point in time, would not want for much in life. She would be settled, and it would all be paid back to a time when Crystal dragged through four minutes of pain for the sake of an EP she didn’t really care about. Crystal approached the glass as the song came to its end to watch Gigi play the last chord, and after it was over, silence took the room. The entire band exchange looks of beaming pride, knowing magic had been created. It was an electric feeling that started in the chest, and suddenly was pooling through the entire body. It felt like pure joy personified.   
“That was….” Ethan said. “That was incredible. You guys are amazing.”  
In all her happiness, Gigi caught Crystal’s hand against the glass.   
“Crystal.” She breathed. “Was it good enough? You’re the only one who knows.”  
The brunette bit her lip and let a single tear drop down her face.   
“It was amazing.” She whimpered. “It was perfect.”   
Crystal wiped her tear, sniffled and stared for one second. She’d just made history, and it was evident in the way the room felt. It was lovely, but it wasn’t for her. Crystal shook her head one more time and took a swift exit from the studio to the warm outsides of California. The explosion was less a situational need, and more a bold act of symbolism. What Crystal and Gigi had was perfect, yes, but it was also sad. It was sad, and tear-worthy, and it was ruining Crystal’s life. She had to leave. There was nothing in the world that could make her stay.

For a brief moment, she looked back at the studio door which still swung back and forth with the remnants of her exit. A good portion of her began to pray that Gigi would save her own cause and follow Crystal outside, but she didn’t. The door stopped swinging, and Crystal stopped hoping someone would follow her. She learnt quickly that she wasn’t about to be treated like something that mattered to Gigi. That wasn’t her anymore. The girl wiped her tears and took a look onto the gentle desert before her. Up the rocky path, a convenience store stood just about twenty steps out. It’s neon sign lit up the increasingly dark area and blinked slightly in the vision. It gave Crystal a weird settlement, and a wave of calm no bigger than the words 'I love you’ washed over quickly. Gigi, who had been watching her from behind since the brunette had turned away, let out a little sigh and overlooked the world around her. Not a grain of sand, nor plant, nor small remote animal moved. It came again, a louder sigh which was followed by the wind of the closing door whipping her round. The cold air seemed the grip the sweat on her back and arms through the linen white shirt, and created goosebumps up and down her arms. The night was setting, and she began to wonder what happiness had felt like. Had she ever felt it before? Tonight had been so magical, and still it could not be celebrated. For a second it felt unfair that she was being forced to pin her entire life on a girl she knew once, and didn’t really understand anymore. It dawned on her rather quickly that all of this was her fault. How sad it was she was the villain in her own fairy-tale ending.

It was only as Crystal got closer to the convince store that she ran after the girl, catching her breathlessly just as the pushed the door open and rang the bell.  
“Crystal.” She panted. “I’m sorry I didn’t come. Monet told me not to, but I think I know you better than that.”   
The brunette looked down at Gigi doubled over and sighed.  
“No need to run after me.”  
Head held high, the brunette began to traipse down the aisle. She never directly looked at Gigi, but knew she was following closely by the squeaky sound of her shoes on the linoleum.   
“Why’d you come here?” Gigi asked, as her counterpart stopped to look. “We sang your song and everything.”   
“Oh, you mean the song you played for me an hour before you had sex with another woman?” She moved.  
“That’s the one.” Gigi sighed. Her patience for Crystal to stop giving her a hard time was decreasing by the very second. “It breaks my heart when you bring that up.  
"It broke my heart when you did it.”   
Crystal finally looked up at the girl. She was leant against a shelf, a cigarette behind one of her ears, and hair slicked back. She looked like the villain from a James bond movie, and something sinister about this drove Crystal slightly crazy.   
“What’s with this anyway?” Crystal removed the cigarette and waved it in front of the girl’s face.  
Gigi sniggered. “I’m hoping it will kill me before you do, or the drugs do.”   
“That’s not funny.” Crystal shoved the cigarette back at the girl.  
“I’m kidding.” She smiled again. “It just takes the edge off.”  
“It’s stupid.” She sighed. “And, it doesn’t make me any more attracted to you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”  
“Well, I don’t imagine you can be any more attracted to me than you already are.” The girl laughed again. If looks could kill, Gigi would’ve been dead the second they locked eyes again.   
“You just can’t stop with the jokes, can you, Gigi?” Crystal chuckled, in a way that almost terrified the taller girl to her core. Gigi wondered if Crystal often felt this way about her. “I’m glad you find this all so entertaining.”  
The brunette shoved around four miscellaneous objects into her friends grasp. At quick glance, it was two bottles of deodorant, some wet wipes, and a small face flannel.   
“What’s all this?”  
“I’m going home.” Crystal smiled, pushing a single pack of toothpaste on the girl. “It’s not an easy drive back to Seattle. You may have people on that bus who are willing to drive you all night because you pay them to, but I don’t have that.”   
“Wait, why are you going?” Gigi seemed mildly disappointed, but not at all shocked.   
“You said to me that if I still hated you by the time we reached California, then you’d let me go.”   
“And you hate me?”  
“Well.” Crystal stopped walking across the aisle to face the girl. “When I got off that bus today, I didn’t hate you, but then I heard you perform that song.”  
“And you cried.” Gigi almost whined. “You cried because I did it right, right? You cried because I did the song the way you wanted it done.”  
“The way you sang was exceptional.” Crystal could feel herself welling up again. “But, I was crying because I realised, you never won’t be the girl that ruined my life.”  
It was this point that Gigi cried in front of Crystal, perhaps for only the second time since they had known each other. It was strange, as if some kind of phenomenal role reversal had taken place. For once, Gigi’s feelings were on the line, and Crystal presented apathy, as if she had never felt anything at all.   
“I said I was sorry.” Gigi continued, wiping her tears. “I wouldn’t do it again, you know that.”  
“Perhaps that’s true.” Crystal collected all of her things back. “But, the one time was enough.”  
They said not much more to each other, and continued slowly towards the checkout. Crystal seemed so stone and set, Gigi couldn’t help but wonder how long she had known she wasn’t going to stay. It must have been longer than a couple of days. She didn’t even cry.

“The way you talk about Seattle, I’d assume it was the only place in the world.” Gigi sniffled, as Crystal loaded the items onto the till.   
“It is to me.” She sighed in return. “Nothing has felt quite as real since I left.”  
“Let me pay for these.” Gigi rushed forward and shoved the $20 in her pocket towards the cashier. “If you’re so set on leaving.”  
“I am.”   
Gigi handed the girl her bag in what seemed like a metaphoric exchange of hope. Crystal felt so tied in those minutes, it took everything in her not to offer to stay.  
“Dark out.” Gigi shoved her hands in her pockets as they faced the California breeze together. The bus, having known the only place they could’ve gone was the convince store, was parked square outside with all the lights off and Monet’s car in the rear.   
“Mhm.” Crystal breathed. “California seems to be a lot colder at night.”  
“The winds have turned back.”   
“Seems like it.”   
Crystal stared at the truck for what seemed like forever, and turned back to Gigi when she was ready to walk.  
“It’s a straight slip-road back to Seattle.” She said, matter of fact. “We’ll have to follow you guys at least half of the way.”   
“Stay on the bus then.” Gigi reacted seamlessly.   
“I can’t, someone has to drive the car and- ”  
“I’ll drive the car.” Gigi came again. “You know, there’s a bed on that bus. My bed. You and Monet could have it. It’ll be at least three days till we get out of the slip road. There’s food as well. You won’t have to live off McDonald’s and 7-Eleven, whereas I’ve been living off that my whole life.”   
“And I wouldn’t have to see you?”  
“No.” Gigi spoke, saddened. “You wouldn’t have to see me. Only to say bye.”   
“You’d be okay?”  
“I’d be fine, Cris.” She smiled. Saying her name like that, whilst all the stars were shining, and the air was cool; it felt so right. “I just want to show you how terribly sorry I am for what I did.”   
“Okay.” Crystal said, as she hopped up onto the platform of the bus. “I never ever thought this was what would have come over a chance night with a band I didn’t even know.”   
“I know. Getting off with the lead singer is everybody’s dream.”   
The brunette managed to crack a smile watching her counterpart lean up against the hood of the car.   
“Hey, Gigi?”  
“Yes?”  
“What did he say?”  
“What did who say?”   
“That guy in there. Ethan. What did he say about the song?”   
“Do you want the truth or the lie?” Gigi asked nicely.  
“The truth.”  
“He loved it. He thinks we have a real chance at making it. Says Mr. Elmer will call back in three days to tell us if he wants to sign us and release the single.”   
“That’s amazing.” She was taken aback. “I’m thrilled for you.”  
“Thank you.”  
Crystal looked at Gigi with what could only be described as adequate loss. Not because she was going away, or she had somewhere else to be, but because fame would change Gigi. One night of passion had changed her, and now this was going to change her too. After this moment, Gigi would never be the same woman again.   
“Just one more thing before you’re famous.” Crystal smiled, jumping back off the bus and pressing her lips to the girl’s in one swift motion. It lasted no more than five seconds. Gigi was smashed up against the hood, one arm on Crystal’s waist, whilst Crystal pressed both her hands closely onto the other woman’s face. It suddenly felt like the first time they ever kissed. They were back in Crystal’s home town, on her road, with her stuff shoved into her suitcase. A cold memory of what was to never be again.   
“Don’t forget me when you’re successful.” Crystal wiped the girls chin. “Drive safe.”   
The taller girl watched her get onto the bus before clambering into the car and sighing. It felt like a romantic comedy where the goofy main character finally gets the kiss they’ve been waiting for. They come home, sit on their bed, and sigh loudly. Gigi was doing it now, seeming to forget she had broken the girl before anything had begun. In that car, it was her, the dainty memory of Crystal’s lips, and the hope of a better future, none of which would ever come into fruition together ever again.


	9. Ch9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter no one has seen before! I hope you guys are enjoying so far!

Crystal stayed home for a total of three months. By this time, the peak of summer had long gone and the small town of Seattle had grown cold. Her home life was back to normal as it were, and back to the simple commodities that made her life as miserable as it was. The urge to back out on the road was so present within her. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, she would stare out the window and watch the edge of summer trickle away into the past. Gigi had long gone, and now all the remined was a distant memory of a girl she once knew. Gigi was fine, probably. The worst part of the whole ordeal was that Gigi could take her music and move on from this, but Crystal could not. She was left to mope. Left to hurt. Left alone, which was not uncommon when it came to Gigi.

Jan stayed when she could. This was difficult considering all of a sudden, Crystal was back at her parents and living in their constant watch. There was no concrete indication that there was truth to her statement, but Crystal imagined they all wanted to know what happened over the short summer she was gone. There was nothing absolute. Just the occasional look, the slight comment, the stiffness of paranoia that suffocated her as she ascended the stairs. It was terrifying. She wanted to tell them. It practically seethed within her bones, burned at the very bottom of her stomach. If they knew, Crystal would have to relive every painful event, every sleepless night, every single second she felt the atmosphere inside that bus begin to kill her. It became a kind of cancer, and now it was more than that. Now it was a secret. Jan had also dabbled in love. In the time Crystal was absent, she started to see a young boy who owned a grocery store down the street from her small apartment. He was nice enough, tall, and dark. He was handsome, and couldn’t do enough for Jan. He knew Crystal was overly depressed, and no good for the girl. Crystal didn’t like him. She hated to imagine he was all she had when Crystal was on the road, but this was the absolute inequivalve truth of the matter. No matter whether or not Jan loved Crystal at her core for who she was, it would never compete with what was the reality.

It had been three months since Crystal had left. Three months of emptiness had made her cold, and her insides were ridden with forgiveness. Every day was the same. She awoke saddened that once again her eyes were open and she was to face the world in it’s deceased state. Jan rolled over next to her, and looked at her place face sinking into the pillow.

“How are you?”

“I’m dying.” Crystal professed, huffing enough air to move the hair from her face. “Something inside me is dead and it’s rotting me inside out.”

Jan winced gently in the pretentious effort of it all, but reached over to touch her friends face in the gentle morning. A shred of light slithered between her eyes, and the girl cupped her friends jaw, admiring her matted lashes and tear stained face. It had been three months.

“You are the love of my life.” She proposed.

Crystal’s bottom lip quivered as she curled up into a ball on Jan’s chest. Her heart beat was slow, and cautious. Not dissimilar to that of Jackie, the morning she left for the first time.

“I don’t belong here, Jan.” She replied. “Lately I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.”

“You are so dramatic, Crystal.” She sighed. One hand draped gently over the phone beside the bed. Oliver was calling, and Jan pulled it to her face to answer.

“Hello.”

“I’m with Crystal.”

“Crystal Crystal Crystal.” He laughed, partially apathetic but more so overly concluded regarding the whole issue. “People will say you are lovers. I should say the same.”

“Shut up.” She laughed, turning to lie on her side.

“You know the big house down the road from your complex?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“Well, it sold today.”

“It did?”

“Yes, that one and the one directly across the river from it. Apparently, they were both paid for in cash, can you imagine that?”

“No I can’t.” Jan cast another look on Crystal’s frail body carving it’s own shape into the mattress. She was thinking of everything she gave up to be sat right where she was. “I don’t think any of us will ever see that type of money.”

“You should come away with me, Jan. I could make that kind of money in two months and we wouldn’t have to answer to anyone.”  
“No.” She replied, immediately. “I will never leave Crystal.”

No one said anything between them for good while whilst they all endured what seemed like repentance. Crystal knew she was no good for Jan, Jan knew she was no good for Oliver, and Oliver knew the two girls would wreak havoc over his life. It was like a spiritual trespassing was upon them and all parties should have left it alone long ago.

“Can you at least come with me?” He said. “We can go and look at the houses. I want to know what kind of playboy billionaire lives there now and if he might let me in on the secret to his millions.”

“You are a fool.” She laughed back to him, knowing he was already in his car and starting the ignition to come over. “I’ll see you in ten.”

“See you then. I love you.”

“Same.”

When the phone was placed quickly back on charge, Jan sat up and tossed her hair around in the mirror.

“Oliver and I are going to look at the big houses down by the river.”

“Why?”

“This town is so small, what else is there to do?”

“You’re right.” Crystal did not turn around. “Take some pictures for me, will you?”

“Oh, come with us please.” The taller girl spoke, turning around in a vivid glance of yearning. “Please. I can count the amount of times you’ve left the house these past few months on one finger.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere; I am not fit enough to see anyone.”

“You and your drama.” Jan almost laughed; it was practically comedic how depressed she was. It was like watching a scorned lover from a Shakespeare play. “Please come with me. It would mean a lot to me and it would only be for an hour or so then you can go right back to moping.”

“I’m not moping, Jan, I’m depressed.”

“Then you can get right back to being depressed!” The girl leapt out of the bed and ran around to stand by the girl. Her eyes were as blue and as gentle as day as they reflected from the pale white of the curtains. Her face was low, and her body small, but there was nothing in the world that could have made her less beautiful.

“I know it’s tough, but you’ll get through this, okay?”

“I’m scared I won’t.” The brunette teared up slightly, and then took her place by the window. She was still dressed from three days ago when Jan had first came over and there was a slight wince of sadness in every corner of the room as it filled up with her.

“He’s here.”

“Who?”

“Oliver.” Crystal came, undoing the latch of the window to reach down and pull up the ledge. By the time Oliver had arrived, the sun had clouded over horribly. The whole world was miserable. If her life was written, Crystal imagined, this would be the part where her heart was being broken, and the wonderful world of touring with a band would be having it’s effects efficiently. Pathetic fallacy, she imagined. Pathetic was the right word. Oliver had stood at the window, his canvas shirt blowing in the wind, and his sunglasses perched on his head. Oliver was European. The way he talked, the way he acted, and the love he professed forward to everyone around him was so different to what Crystal knew. Perhaps Europeans were like that. Perhaps her expectations were low.

“Hello, Crystal!” He yelled up. “How strange that we should keep meeting like this. How are you feeling?”

“Still awful.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He cupped his hands around his mouth to shout further and caught Jan’s attention. She ran down without air to greet him and collapsed into his arms in a way that made Crystal miserable. Her head rested on the marble of the windowpane, feeling so unbelievably heavy, and just like that, it began to rain. Heavy droplets clouded Oliver as he ushered Jan into the car and signalled for Crystal to come down.

“Please, you’ll be making our day.”

“I can’t.” The small girl replied. “It’s raining.”

“Of course, it’s raining!” He yelled back. “It’s not summer anymore, Crystal.”

Jan’s face looked at her, sullen and sunken, through the rainy window. It was bouncing off the hood of the car and fogging up the interior but Crystal could just about make her eyes. They needed her right now just as she had always needed them.

“Give my five minutes, I’ll meet you in the car!” She yelled, and sped down the stairs to grab an umbrella and meet them in the car.

The car seemed to brim with the sadness inside. It was as if there was simply not enough space to hold it all. At any minute, the seams were going to burst and the deep upset was going to pour out onto streets in an act of supreme gore. How strange Crystal thought it was that all of this seemed to happen inside of her. It felt like the whole world.

The car, which was a new model Chevrolet was what Crystal somewhat imagined hell to be like. There was small chit chat among the couple, and gentle kisses. A song that perhaps she knew once upon a time. They both chain smoked out the window to drown out the feeling of that car jolting beneath them. Many say that the sadness can be cured in fresh air, much like a wound. That it will simply heal it over and that it will bring a period of happiness and joy for life. Crystal only felt heavier. She felt as though her soul was full of stones, and that she was simply dragging around something not quite living. Her hand could be shaken, and her mouth could move and talk in depressing soliloquys, but Crystal had died a long time ago. There was nothing remaining of her now.

“Crystal?” Jan spoke, mouth half full.

“Yes?”

“Should I turn this off?”

Crystal looked towards her, watching the forest part out of the screen of the car. A song was playing over the radio. The song. The sweet French words, the deepness of the voice. It all came back in floods of lust, and powerful emotion. Nothing could be worse, and in the same breath, nothing could be better.

“No.” She sighed. “Every radio station is playing it. I don’t want to feel nothing about it. She is doing very well for herself. Pass me a cigarette.”  
Jan passed the one she had lit into Crystal’s fingers, doing as she was told.

“You’re a better woman than she is, Cris. She’s rotten, and you are much better by far.”

“I’m sure she would say the same about us.”

“You know why you’re sad, Crystal?” Oliver barked, suddenly. “Do you want to know why? It’s because you don’t care for yourself enough. Sylvia Plath said so herself.”

“Oh, did she now?” She was apathetic.

“Yes. She’s the epitome of female depression, isn’t she? She said all you need sometimes is a hot bath and maybe that’s what you need, too.”

“Sylvia Plath is dead, Oliver.”

Silence for what felt like forever.

“Look!” Oliver exclaimed, coming up on the builds. “They’re beautiful!”

The houses were the old Walton types. Both large and a gentle shade of beige and blue, and both facing each other across a small stream crossable only by a small bridge directly in the centre. Both houses surrounded themselves by long white porches that wrapped around the whole house, encompassing the shrubbery that grew beneath. The small town had been admiring the houses for years, it seemed so surreal they should be the home for living beings. They seemed antique almost.

“God, it’s raining so hard I can barely see.” Oliver slipped his car into a lower gear and he ran down the muddy hills and tried to stay out of the way of the building. In the distance, a figure stood tall and lean on the grand porch of the house on the right, and did not take their eyes off the vehicle until it came to a halt and Oliver made himself known.

“Excuse me!” He yelled, but the figure did not hear him over the pounding rain. “Hey! Excuse me! We’re here to say hello to the owner.”

Jan and Crystal watched with the utmost caution as the young boy tried to lurch forward and lost his footing on the muddy hill. His limp body tumbled down and came crashing into the door of the basement with a loud, wet, thud.

The figure seemed to take off towards him as Jan and Crystal ran together, clutching onto the umbrella Crystal had so kindly stolen from her father, calling Oliver’s name as they ran. When they found him, he was huddled at the foot of the house covered in rain and mud and nursing a small wound on his forehead.

“Oh, Oliver, you’re so stupid.” Jan reached down to help before the creature leapt over the porch railings after them.  
“I saw the whole thing, is he okay?” A familiar voice spoke. “It looked like quite a nasty fall.”

Crystal begin to feel her soul welling up inside her body. It was the pain that is felt in the bridge of the nose before it is felt anywhere else, and seems like the most painful thing in the world at the time. She was stood there. Gigi. Taller and thinner but still herself, standing next to Crystal under the umbrella. The girl beneath her looked up at her, a little covered in the rain and mascara dripping from her lashes.

“Crystal.” She smiled, dissipating all the shyness from her manor. “I thought I’d never see you again! You look wonderful!”

“Gigi…” Her voice trailed off. There was shock and there was pain but there was also an insane amount of joy that thrilled her. Seeing Gigi again was filing a space that seemed to have always been empty.

“And Jan!” The girl spoke loudly again. “You look great! You’ve grown so much since last time we spoke.

“As have you.” Jan stood slowly and reached out for Gigi’s hand which was being held out in the rain. “You live here?”

“I do now. I’m just moving my things in today. It’s been quite a challenge but I’ve had lots of help.” She spoke before reaching out to help Oliver up off the floor.

“You must be Jan’s boyfriend.”

“Yes, thank you.” He brushed himself off. Crystal could not help but be embarrassed, and had it been three months ago, Gigi would have known how to handle such an encounter. Right now, she was comforting and beautiful, kind and reserved. She knew exactly what to say. It was humbling.

“My name is Oliver.” He spoke again.

“Oliver. It’s nice to meet you, Oliver. Jan is a wonderful woman, you’re really a lucky guy.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” The boy spoke, taken aback by his fall too much to interact with the woman. He knew immediately why she had captivated by Crystal and understood why, even after three months of yearning, nothing was better. Gigi was always the kind of girl to ruin lives.

“You all look wet.” Gigi laughed when it had been silent too long. “I can’t remember the last time it rained and we were together.”

“I can.” Crystal confessed. She remembered the evening so well. That phone on the highway, and the brilliance of the successful career. It had been so traumatic that she would remember it for the rest of her life. Gigi wanted to take her in her arms right that instant and have her as was. Soaking wet and messy or high and dry. She wanted whatever version of Crystal wanted her back.

“You should all come inside.” Was spoken aloud. “I think I have something for Oliver’s cut and the least I could do is offer you tea.”

There was not much furniture in Gigi’s home, but all the ceilings were high and the windows grand and tall. It was everything the three residents could have ever imagined it would be. It even had dark floors and coloured walls that dripped in elegance and money. It was weird to see Gigi as she was. Rich. The girl stood at her grand spiral staircase for a second before slipping behind it and grappling at some bandages for Oliver, and then leading through the group through a small candle-lit hallway to reach a great sitting room full of boxes and a lit log fire. They all stood in its warm glow looking at the great standard of the room and not believing how much money could be made from beautiful music.

Crystal’s favourite feature was the giant window that spread the entire length of the back wall by the fire. From there, the other house just across the river could be viewed in its full glory. There was even a window in the other home that was exactly the same that Crystal had never noticed. They were exactly the same, but so far apart. For many hours, each sat on a separate box and talked about all the times they had had back on the bus and how they had gone through so much before anything had even started. Crystal even laughed at some of the things Gigi said. The affair, the band, the sex, the fights all seemed fair game to her.

`’And then I brought her back here.” Finished off the long story in a giggle, taking a sip of the wine that had been poured for all of them from a long bottle by the fire. “How have you been, Crystal?”

“I’m okay. You?”

“I’ve been pretty good.” Gigi replied. “I’ve been dying to talk to you the entire time you were gone.”

“And the girls?”

“Equally as good. We miss you a lot, especially Heidi. You’ll have to drive up and see us more often.”

“Us?” Crystal grew curious.

“We’ve all moved in here together, as bands do, you know?”

“And you think you’ll be okay with that?”

“It will have to be.” Gigi gave another laugh.

Silence.

“Jan.” The taller girl came again. “I hope you don’t hate me for all the time of yours I wasted. I would spend many lifetimes making up my atrocities if I could.”

“You did waste a lot of time.” She laughed. “But no one can hate you, Gigi. It’s like we’re all attached to you somehow.”

“God, how I wish you were. Then, you would never have to leave me at all.”

It was suddenly three months ago and everything was good again. Crystal was happy and never wanted the night to end, whilst Gigi was falling in love all over again. Life was going, and love would surely follow. How could it not?

“I really have missed you, Crystal.” Was whispered at one point as the smaller girl moved closer to sit next to her old lover.

“I have missed you, too.”

Crystal rested her tired head on Gigi’s knee where it was closest to the fire and closer to her lover. There was a strange feeling of calm, but always the feeling of terror that came to being so close to Gigi’s grasp. She had had her once, and this had been fine, but it was no longer like it was back then. Everything was changing and they had to change with it.

Oliver had not said much all evening but decided now was the time.

“You’re an incredible host, Gigi.” He stood. “I feel I’ve wasted so much time not knowing you.”

“You’re leaving so soon?”  
“It’s getting pretty late out and Crystal’s parents will want her home.” Oliver lowered his hand to collect the girl off the floor. How sad it would have been to let her wallow in her own delusions any longer than she had to.

“It’s been great seeing all of you, then.” Gigi got to her feet. “I hope you can come back and look at the place when it’s decorated.”

“I’m sure we will.” Jan pleaded nicely.

“Wait in the car.” Crystal uttered.

“What?”  
“Just wait in the car, please?” She repeated. “I should be out soon, this won’t take long.”

The couples said their goodbyes and gave their thanks before ushering down the long hall and leaving the star-crossed lovers alone in their own privacy once again. This was the worst of the evening. It was silent, and they were simply staring at each other from across the room.

“It’s been wondeful to see you, Crystal.” The silence broke sooner rather than later. “I’ve….well, I’ve really enjoyed myself.”

At this statement, Crystal leapt up and into Gigi’s arms, sobering and blubbering like a child. The taller girl was taken aback, but understood immediately.

“Oh, Crystal.” She came, holding the girl up. “I’ve missed you so much. I was hoping you’d come back to me and you did. You came back to me”

“Why did you move here?! Why did you have to torture me like this?!” Crystal sniffled and shook her head.

“I moved here for you!” The girls voice shook with emotion, trembling at every syllable. “This city feels like you, it belongs to you. I can feel you everywhere. Can’t you see that?”

“I was just starting to get over you, Gigi!” She yelled. “I can’t just have you barging in on my life every time I try to start fresh somewhere, okay? It doesn’t work that way!”

“I couldn’t live without you, I had to be near you.”

In frantic sobs and heavy breaths, Crystal began kissing Gigi’s gentle face and enveloping herself into the girl. They had always been attached, and now they were entangled. It would take a whole lifetime before Crystal could feel free of Gigi again.

“I don’t want to leave you again, Crystal.” Gigi whispered. “Let me make love to you right here.”

“No.” She whimpered. “It just isn’t the right time.”

“Please, Crystal.” Gigi’s voice was low and serious; full of longing and dread for being lonely again. “I have loved you for such a long time and I want to be with you again.”

Crystal turned away from the girl, still crying and attempting to console herself. She loved Gigi, this was true. However, she did not love Gigi for any commodity that would afford love, but instead because she had no choice. She could love Gigi for the rest of her life or she could die trying to be sane again.

“I’m sorry, Crystal.”

“It’s alright.”

“Crystal, look at me.” The brunette did as she was told. She was always most beautiful and obedient when she was broken. “I want you to have the house across the river. You and Jan can live there, Oliver can even come if he likes. God knows I won’t use it.”

“I can’t take your house, Gigi, I can barely take your money.”

“You could have my life if you wanted it.” She said, in a moment of intensity. “I just want you close to me, Crystal. I can deal with you not being my girlfriend, but I can’t go without you as my friend. Let me do this for you.”

“I would never be able to repay you.”

“Crystal, I am indebted to you.” Gigi coughed her words once more. She did not wish to cry in front of the girl but seemed to have no other choice.

“I will take your house.” She mumbled eventually. “but I want nothing more to do with you. You and I will be neighbours and nothing more.”  
“Thank you.” She spoke, relived. “Thank you so much. Heidi will be so happy. I think she’s in love with you.”

It was awful how their whole dynamic had changed in the space of two or so hours. Crystal had found Gigi as nothing more than a figment of pain and now they should be living in the same complex, separated only by a stream of water when once they had been many years apart. Crystal approached once more to take Gigi in her arms.

“You’ve always shown up at just the right time.”

She was gone within ten minutes, and Gigi had found herself alone again as she was often. She was alone often these days. What she had done in the spur of ten minutes last summer had taken her away from everyone she ever loved. Still, she had a vision. In her dreams, she was watching from the window on a sunny day and Crystal was putting washing on a line. Her perfume would fill the air outside. Crystal would catch Gigi’s eye and they would wave at each other knowing no more bad blood existed between them. The girl lay back against the boxes of her old life and smiled; she was happy with her vision.


	10. Ch10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> double figures!

Crystal moved In to be with Gigi the very next, and stuck to her promise for a week and a half. For that week, she resided with Jan in her large grand bedroom and seemed to be microscopically happier. Even there, there was yearning. When this period had collapsed, she spend an hour a day visiting Gigi in her residences and seeing the girls who had made her time on tour with the band so extraordinary. There was one day that stuck in her mind prominently when the girls had all came back from their hometowns to live in the new house by the river, and she had seen them for the first time. How beautiful they had all looked in their new clothes and jewels. They had been the girl’s Gigi had never imagined she would be acquainted with. She was sat in the seating room under a large crystal chandelier and watching the winter deep fall sun glimmer off the side of the platinum record hanging above the mantel piece when they all traipsed in, suitcases in hand. Heidi immediately had ran and hugged her, lifting in her up in the air and spinning her around the room. There was immediate comfort and then the shower of love cascaded from Jackie and Widow. She was with her family again. With people who she always felt connected to no matter where she went in the world. It was her spark that never died no matter how often she went back to feel its warmth. Heidi was engaged. She wanted to have a baby within the next two years. Her life was moving on. Widow was producing music of her own and Jackie had her own show. They had all done so well for themselves. She could never have imagined, whose name was known in every house in the USA, would be the least successful of the group. 

This was recounted to Jan in the evening who looked upon the bright eyes girl with a premonition of sadness. She knew what Gigi had done was truly unforgiveable, and the relationship could be changed but the crime never forgotten. Gigi could never be looked at the same again as far as she was concerned. Oliver formed a high opinion of everyone in the band and took a liking to Jackie who took none of his shit. He and Jan lived a decent life in the house across the river. Crystal even imagined they would be engaged to be married within the next two months or so. She imagined a happy life for Jan and was scrawling such events to her journal one early morning when the first snow came upon the city. It was around a month too early but settled Seattle like no other season could. That bright morning brought a slight knock at the door to which Crystal fled, knowing it could only be one person. Gigi was dancing in the snow, visible from the window.   
“You must be catching your death out here.” She spoke, approaching the door.   
“Not really.” Gigi smiled, staring at the sky with her hands on her hips. “I haven’t seen snow much before this. Do you get it here a lot?”  
“It’s called the windy city, not the snowy city.” Crystal laughed.  
Gigi smiled from her perch on the snowy step. Her face was flushed from the cold and her hair messy from the running.   
“Look what I got you!”  
Crystal stepped from the side of the house to see a little red bike perched against the wall with a blue one, exactly it’s double, sat beside it.  
“A bike? For winter?”  
“Exactly.”  
“It’s winter, Gigi, the gears are going to freeze. The tires are going to skid.”  
“Oh no, not these ones.” Gigi pulled the blue bike proudly. “They’re brand new. Just hauled them back from the shop.”  
“You got me a new bike?!”  
“Yes, do you like it?!”   
Crystal stood in awe of the girl ahead of her, knowing it was not an appropriate gift but appreciating it anyway.   
“You want to take them out now?”  
Crystal took a step outside and slipped on the ice at the step, landing her right in Gigi’s arms.   
“Oops. Gotcha.”   
They stayed there for seconds at a time, Crystal’s hand resting on Gigi’s chest and Gigi’s on Crystal’s back. They had the compulsion amongst the giggles that arose, to kiss.   
“Where do you want to go?” Crystal spoke, romantically.   
“Take me somewhere I haven’t been before.” She smiled, and let go of the brunette.   
“That should be easy.” 

The girls took off on the bike path down a short road that lead to a large tree and up a hill. It was beginning to snow heavily by the time the tree had been reached. Crystal was falling in love with every second she was riding, and she needed to be in closer proximity with Gigi the closer she got to the place she was headed.   
“Where are we? Where are we going?” Gigi pondered, placing her bike against the bark.   
“Just down that hill is a beach my mother used to take me to when I was a kid.” Crystal pointed ahead to a snowy beach. “I wanted to show you the sea, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it would snow so hard.”   
“I thought you might forget.” Gigi smiled, pulling two blankets from the bag she was carrying on her back and leaving them to tumble down the snowy hill. “Come on.”   
Crystal watched as the girl biked down the hill and skidded at the end to a stop, ushering her down with a wave of the hand and handing her the cold blanket when she was on the shore. The taller girl ran to the grass lands to grab two wooden polls from the ground and bring them back to the beach.   
“What are you doing, Gigi?”  
“I’m building you a castle!”  
Gigi thrusted the sticks into the ground and cascaded the blanket over the top. It made a little fort that faced the ocean and settled beautifully among the snow. Gigi took off her jacket and tossed it on the ground.   
“Look at this, I’m a regular handy-man.”  
Crystal chuckled and clambered her way into the snowy fort. It was like something out of move, but a million times more romantic. Gigi climbed in next to her and placed one arm down the side of the girl.   
“It’s really coming down now, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah.” Crystal spoke. “It’s kinda cold.”  
“Move closer to me. It’s a bit warmer here.”   
She did as she was told.   
“I can’t believe I was away from you for three months.” Gigi frowned, keeping her eyes on the sea. “And, I can’t believe how young I was. I feel like I was just a child.”  
“Well, you’ve done your fair share of grown up things whilst I’ve been gone.”  
“What have you been doing?” Gigi questioned, casting her gaze upon the girl. “Are you seeing anyone?”  
“Seeing anyone? Jesus, Gigi, I haven’t left my bed in 6 weeks.”   
“I felt the same.”   
“But, it’s okay, I suppose I’ll be only be here for a few more weeks then I’ll on my way to a different country to see the world there.” The brunette laughed.  
“You’re such a minx, do you know that?” Gigi threw her head back gently with a smile. “I’m glad I met you before Heidi did, I don’t think she’d ever recover.”   
Crystal laughed gently and began to lay her head in Gigi’s lap. The girl above was looking down at her face as it radiated all the clean beauty of a snowy day. Her eyes were so bright, bright as they always had been. She was smiling, a smile she had not seen for three months and which she yearned to see every day for the rest of her life.   
“Who knew I could yearn for a life I already lived?” She asked.   
Gigi smiled and looked on. It always seemed she was looking towards something, but now, she was looking back. Back at a time when her life seemed to be going correctly. She was living with her band, and the girl she loved. Now, it seemed like she had a big house that she could fill with girls from time to time. She did, on the occasion. In the past week, she had two group of girls around when the rest of the world had been asleep. They were lovely and kind because they had to be, but they weren’t Crystal. She was surprised at how many girls would be appealed to her just because she was in a band and she could play guitar.  
“What did you used to do here when you were little?” Gigi began to run her hand softly over the girl’s hair.   
“We used to collect shells and show them to my dad when we got home.”  
“That sounds fun.”   
“It was.” Crystal smiled. “We saw a deer once and I must’ve ran after it for an hour so, but I ran into the highway.”  
Gigi smiled and sat in silence. There was nothing that was more important to her than the fact that Crystal was in her lap right now. It felt like the bus again and both girls felt a great sense of letting go.  
“Crystal?”  
“Yeah?”   
“Come here.”   
The brunette turned on her back to see Gigi looking down upon her with a lustful look in her eyes that clouded over her vision. She was thinking about Crystal in so many ways, as eroticism usually displays itself. She leant down, grappling Crystal’s jaw as she did so, and place a long kiss against her lips. She tasted like cinnamon, and berries. It was winter, and they were kissing like they were just seventeen. Grappling at each other as Crystal sat up and straddled Gigi’s waist. They were pulling at each other’s hair, button, pulling down pants and folding up skirts. Desperation filled the air, and it wasn’t until Crystal was on her back and Gigi was between her legs that she brought the sudden affair to its end.   
“Gigi.” She sat up on her elbows. “Is this what you brought me out for? To have sex with me?”   
Gigi sat up and took her hands from the inner of Crystal’s thighs, wiping her face.  
“No.” She breathed. “No, no, of course I didn’t.”   
“No?”  
“No.” She said again, now on her knees. “I brought you here to tell you something important.”  
“And what would that be?”  
Gigi smiled nicely and leant over the girls body to be close to her lips.   
“I’m going on a world tour, Crystal.” She kissed the girl. “I’m travelling the entire world and I want you to be there by my side when I do.”  
“Gigi.” The girl sat up and pulled her skirt back down. “Are you serious?”  
“Yes, Crystal, isn’t that wonderful?”  
“How did it happen?”  
“The single went platinum, every country in the world is listening to it!” She yelped. “Who would have thought I would be so famous off a song I didn’t even write. It’s all because of you, Crystal. I owe this to you, I want you to be there.”  
“Gigi, last time I came on tour with you, you ruined my life.”  
“Hey.” Gigi pushed a strand of hair back behind Crystal’s ear. “I thought we were past all of that.”  
“Past it? Gigi I can’t get past it! It has ruined my life for three months.”   
“Crystal, I’m sorry.” She sat back. “I didn’t realise it was so big of an issue to you.”   
“I’m glad you were able to get over it Gigi.” Crystal sighed. “but I can’t. I never will be able to. I can’t go on tour with you right now.”  
“Are you serious, Crystal?” She questioned. “When I met you, all you wanted to do was see the world? I’m giving you that chance. Why aren’t you taking it?”   
“You hurt me, Gigi.”   
“Yes, and I’m sorry for that.” She stood as well as she could under the roof. “But, this is me making up for it.”  
“It can never be made up for.” She spoke. Gigi got out of the canopy tent and stared down at the girl who was no longer worth the trouble. It was snowing hard and it was coming down all over her face.  
“Anything could happen between us, Gigi, and I still couldn’t shake off what you did to me.”   
Crystal stood and walked out of the tent and picked up the bike from the snow.   
“Okay, okay, Cris, I’m sorry.” She spoke, trying to place the bike back down. “Please don’t go. Please. I want you to stay.”  
“Don’t, Gigi, just don’t.”  
“Crystal, please don’t do this. We were just getting good again.”  
“And now look at us, Gigi, we’re back in our bad place again!” She turned from the bike suddenly. “You did this to us, and you keep doing this.”  
Gigi said nothing.   
“I don’t know why you keep doing this to me and keep putting me through this.”   
“I’m sorry, Crystal.” She spoke. “Please come with me. I leave in two days. I can’t bare the thought of you being alone here again.   
“It’s fine.” She bit her lip. “Thank you for the trip. I’m sure I’ll see you across the way.”   
With this, she was cycling home and leaving Gigi alone in the snow. Cycling, crying all her way home. Her time at home had been full of pain and upset, and now it was terrible again. She was scared and worried. Things had gotten bad again. It seemed like she was all part of this never-ending cycle which wanted nothing more than to hurt her beyond repair. 

Jan wasn’t there when she threw the bike down at the door and ran inside to her room. It was clean and there was a note on her bed. Nothing was as she left it. Heidi had written ‘I cleaned up for you. I love you, come over later.’ She did not even wish to read it. Crystal leapt to her bad and sobbed for hours upon end until she felt like there was nothing left inside her to keep her living. Whatever was inside her now was dead and gone, there was no reviving it. Gigi, after all things, was a murderer. She had killed Crystal one million times over. 

That evening, Crystal watched from the big window in the sitting room at the house across the dark. There were only two lights emerging. Gigi’s room and the front room. She was sat there in a big chair by the window watching the door, and Crystal was surprised they weren’t looking directly at each other. Gigi was dressed nicely and the gold chain around her neck shone finely in the dull, yellow light of the room. Crystal watched and sat quietly until a group of girl, only as old as she was, were let in by Gigi. She looked at each one of them as they cascaded into her home and instantly fled up her stairs. They were all beautiful and brunette and all looked more than a little bit like Crystal. She called Gigi on the phone that sat by the chair in which she had previously been sat, only to watch her answer it.  
“Hello?” Gigi held the landline close to her ear.   
Crystal said nothing, letting Gigi look up to see her in the window.   
“Crystal? Is that you?”  
“I see you.” Crystal spoke. “I see those girls coming in and out of your house, Gigi. I watch them come and go like your little subjects. They come to your very request and leave when you please. What do you say to them? You’re the lead singer of the most famous band in the world that they know nothing about? Do you imagine they’re me?”  
“Crystal.” She breathed heavily. The girl in the house across the river had fixed eyes and looked eerily like someone she had once loved whilst on tour. She swallowed hard.  
“Do they feed your little desires? Do you love them? Do they love you?”  
“I don’t love anyone but you.” She cried, wiping her tears from her face.   
“So, you use them and then they leave you? Nothing will ever make sense to me about you, Gigi.” She sighed.   
Gigi was silent on the other side, walking up to the window to put her hands on the glass. Crystal had to come over and it had to be soon. From what Gigi could see, she was dressed finely. She was in the little pink dress with the black stripes and the pink pumps. Gigi watched as the girl stood and left the phone off the receiver. She could have sat there listening to the dial tone forever. The girls were calling her from upstairs but all she could listen to was the gentle purring of the phone.   
Crystal came to the door of the house. It had just finished raining outside and the snow was mostly gone from the ground. Gigi wiped her tears and answered with a frown.   
“Crystal, what are you doing here?”   
“I thought I never want to see you again.” She stepped in, dripping wet. “But the truth is, I don’t want to see anyone but you. I would be fine if the whole world perished and just you and I survived.”   
“It’s raining, come indoors.” Gigi suggested. She came in with a straight face and an upsetting distinction of wonder.   
“I want you, Gigi, but I can’t come with you. I want no part in your band which I hate so much.”  
Crystal seemed so serious that Gigi did not know to face her. She stood in her power and was overshadowed as she never had been. There was love, but there was mostly fear.  
“I understand.”  
“But I still need you, Gigi.”   
Heidi was listening to music upstairs, and it seeped through as she opened to meet the girls Gigi called home. The taller girl grabbed Crystal and they were dancing in seconds, cheek to cheek, tears grappling down Gigi’s face.   
“I’m sorry.” She wailed. “Whenever I think we’re good, I ruin it by being disrespectful and stupid to you.”  
Crystal said nothing and danced in Gigi’s arms to the sweet scent of the music.   
They were moving perfectly among each other, thinking about how all their time in each other’s company was violently fleeting.   
“Make love to me, Gigi.” She spoke.  
Gigi placed her arm’s length and looked at her in bewilderment.   
“Do what?”  
“Make love to me. I know you know how.”  
“I can’t.” She mumbled. “I can’t, Cris, I won’t. You’re much too vulnerable and it wouldn’t feel right.”  
“I won’t mind.” Crystal was crying now, feeling the weight of the situation. Her face was red with worry.   
“But I would. I’m sorry, I can’t.”   
Crystal was gone again as quick as she came. Embarrassed, scared, and alone in the world. Gigi would be gone within two days and her torment would start again. Crystal went home and cried herself again, tomorrow was another day to suppress herself. Gigi would never be quite as close again.


	11. ch11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update has been taking so long, I'm making an effort to work on my actual novel and keep putting this on the backburner. Anyway! Hope you all enjoy my angst, and thank you again for all the support and love you all have shown me!

“God.” Crystal cried, holding Heidi close. “You’ve only been with me around two weeks and I’m saying goodbye again.”  
“Like lifetimes apart.” Heidi wiped her tears, laughing them off.   
They were silent as the rest of the girl packed their things onto the bus, and watched the drivers smoke in the just outside. It was best they all got acquainted now, it would be a long time before they were alone again.   
“Oh, Crystal.” She sighed. “I beg that you come with us. It’s so sad to be without you, I’m sure you don’t understand.”  
“I’ve left Seattle with Gigi one too many times to know that it isn’t a good idea.” Crystal smiled. Heidi understood immediately and turned away, saddened and broken.  
“Hey, hey.” Crystal comforted. “it’s alright. Next time I see you, you’ll be ready to be married and have beautiful babies who look just like Michael.”  
“Talk about tearing a band apart.”   
Crystal smiled, kissing Heidi gently on the forehead.   
It wasn’t long before Jackie and Widow were crowded around the small girl dispensing hugs and kisses and being together but knowing they would soon be apart.   
“Where is Gigi?”  
“She’s on the phone to her dad.” Jackie spoke.  
“She’s been there all day.” Widow popped in.   
“Really? Crystal questioned. “I wonder what that’s all about.”  
“Couldn’t tell you.” Heidi placed her hands on her hips.   
Crystal walked over her to check how she was. The girl was resting on the back of the bus, holding a phone in her hand that rang a dial tone, knowing her dad had just hung up and they were no longer talking.   
“Is everything okay?”  
“Right as rain.” She sniffled.   
There was an unspoken awkwardness between them that had lasted from the other night. They had not even spoken since.   
“Look, Crystal.” She came. “I’m sorry about the other evening. If I could go back and do everything differently than I would. There is a massive planet of regret sitting on my shoulders.”  
“It’s okay, I was just embarrassed.” Crystal concluded.   
Gigi took it upon herself to grapple Crystal’s face and hold her close. They were staring at each other in the purest of intensities.   
“Please, Crystal, come with me. Things will be so much safer if you come with me.”   
She shook her head. The urge to go was tearing her up inside, but she knew it had to be resisted. There could be no wavering with her livelihood this time around.   
“I can’t.”  
“But I love you. I could make you so happy.”   
Crystal knew this was true, but in the same breath, she had already made her so very unhappy. It was unbearable now, and it would be worse the more she tried to press Gigi for love.   
“I can’t, Gigi.” She came. “Now, please, let me go.”  
The taller girl dropped her hands and sighed. She stood there, all broken hearted and affected, wondering where the next part of her life would come from. How would she survive this?   
“Y’know, if th0is band ever makes history, and I mean real history, you’ll always be listed as the girl who very first broke my heart.” She almost laughed.   
Crystal smiled, knowing this would be true. Her name would be written in fashion magazines everywhere, on billboards, and all over several American towns. It was almost a delight to know that she would live in whatever Gigi wrote about her.   
“I’ll be happy to see you back in Seattle in a couple of years.”   
“I’m not coming back.” She breathed in the first inhale of a cigarette and leant back against the bus.   
“You’re not?”  
“No.” She spoke. “I gave Heidi the house. It’s hers now, not ours. I’m not going to come back.”   
“Well, I guess that makes this goodbye.” Crystal spoke again. There was a terrible ache in her stomach all of a sudden. All along, she believed loss was something you felt, but to her, loss was something she was. It was all she ever had been. Crystal was always losing.   
“Come here.”   
The smaller girl fit directly into Gigi’s arms. She was holding the blonde with one arm letting her cry on her chest. They were so in love but with a million worlds between them, and nothing could be worse. There was so much love and so much fear. Crystal and Gigi would only see each other as fleeting occurrences, but never again as lovers. Crystal leaned up to her and held her by the collar of her jacket, before leaning in and kissing her with longing and intention. For the first time, Gigi dropped her cigarette and just held her. There was no shuffling for a deed to be done, or no desperation for fear of loss of the moment. She was holding Crystal and there was no one else in the world as she did. One hand cupped Crystal’s blonde hair and the other pressed firmly against her back so that there was no space in between them. How wonderful it was then. Crystal felt like she was learning to French kiss for the very first time back in middle school. Gigi felt like she was melting. They both were falling apart in each other’s arms. All good things must come to an end, Crystal thought, stopping to pet Gigi’s hair in a tear little hug. If she would have known that, looking now at the girl, it would be the last time she would see her in quite the same way, there was so much more she would have said. She would have pointed how lovely her dimples looked when she smiled, or how perfect she looked when she was crying. She would’ve commented on her healthy weight, or the sparkle in her eyes that was the whole world’s guiding star. If she would have known that the next time she was Gigi there would be barely any Gigi left, there would have been a lot more to say. 

Either way, Gigi left the very same day and there was no time for any goodbyes longer than the one they had already had. For nearly four months of her life, she and Gigi had lived in this strange cat-and-mouse type affair that never seemed to start and never seemed to end. It was always plateauing, there was always something else to do, some more closure to get, some more terms to discuss. Now, however, there was simply nothing. They were on good terms and the bad blood had thinned out. There was nothing left to do. Nothing left to say. No one else to call when there was tears to be had or sadness to be shaken of. Crystal sculked back when Monet and Oliver began their slow walk back to the house. She was burying the horse for the last time and would never dig it up again for as long as she would give. In her room, if her heart could’ve been stored under the boards, it would have torn the room to shreds. There would be simply nothing left to say. 

The first month was the most difficult, as it always was, but there was always the comfort on TV. Even when things were terrible, Gigi was starring on a show somewhere and Crystal would be watching, and it would be like they were in the same room again. She could’ve even sworn something that Gigi was talking to her through the box and that any second now she would walk through the door and be home for good. How good she looked, there was no denying that. Her hair was getting shorter but thicker and her face was getting more defined by the day. She even looked taller. The makings of a supermodel, Oliver would often say. She even mentioned Crystal once debuting a new song on some late-night talk show. It was called ‘To the girl I love’ and Crystal’s name was smack bang in the middle of it. There was no ambiguity. They no longer talked and somehow, Crystal was still everything Gigi did. This was fine, as most things were. There was a slight yearn and a chest pain every now and then, but it was nothing sleep couldn’t solve. However, sometimes, when it was early in the morning and the girl was asleep on the couch, sweet French notes would play from the TV and erase all the progress she had made. It would destroy her. Eat her up. Kill her from the inside out and make her wonder why she ever treasured being born. These were the scariest times of all. It was like Gigi was present and if Crystal tried hard enough, she could smell the perfume and feel the touch and know that they were together. It all seemed so real and then it wasn’t. It never was. 

Month two was no better, and only exceed the first thirty days in Gigi’s level of fame. She was now a household name in every single country in the world. Teenage boys wanted to fuck her, and teenage girls wanted to be her, everyone seemed to say. Crystal wanted to be both and more at the exact same time. She wanted to be so deeply attached that they may even become one person. She had found herself in a unique situation where Gigi was slipping away. She could see on the TV and all the magazines that she was hanging out celebrities and eating out at fancy places. She was fine dining and always going to a party somewhere. In fact, there was nothing that she wasn’t doing, except from getting back to Crystal. That was the one thing she seemed deeply unable to do. Crystal wasn’t getting texts or calls; she wasn’t even getting letters which they had always promised each other to write if any such fame should find its way into Gigi’s life. Monet attempted to shield her as much as she possibly could but there was no protecting her from the perils of real life. There was no shielding such endeavours. Gigi was everywhere. Monet thought she looked sick but as usual Crystal knew she looked beautiful. 

By the time Crystal began to get her life back on track, three months had passed. It was nearly Christmas and Gigi was dying in the big city of dreams. Truthfully, she not always made the best choices in the limelight. She had done things out of pressure and other things about of fear of not being liked. She had committed to acts that made her hate herself and put out an album she didn’t like. Worst of all, she had formed habits that had ruined her own life. She was always warned about these kind of things by Heidi, knowing she was easily influenced and wanted nothing more than to be loved. Still, it did not stop them from happening. It was three months since she had last been in love and she was feeling sick. Homesick. She needed Crystal now, but the sheer ignorance and laziness had gone on too long. They did not even talk anymore. She wished she had just text her back instead of watching TV or given her a call instead of doing coke at a random party and ending up nearly dead. She had no passion for life and wondered often if it would have been better if she had died that night. To top things off, her father was getting ill and she wasn’t even in the country to help. She yearned for the comfort of home. There were things about her father that she never told anyone, things she couldn’t blame him for and refused to hate him for all the same. Neither of them had been handed the easiest hands in life and he had not always bene the kindest, but this didn’t she wished bad for him. She wished bad for no one, not even Rose. She wished the best for Crystal and even more so for Heidi who would be getting married in the coming months. She would soon be alone, and her band would be a one hit wonder who were left touring for the rest of the year with no one to watch them. She dreaded this day, knowing eventually she would need someone to turn to. Her life was going to shit and three months to the day, she was far too upset to cope and was stuck on a tour bus for the second time in her life. She had to call Crystal. So, she did. Whilst all the others were sleeping, she called the number that she knew by heart, insides wrenching with every number. She had called many time in the passing two weeks but had always gone to voicemail. This would’ve been enough. Just to hear her soft tones of not being able to come to the phone were enough to shock and excite euphoria. She lay back, having the phone on the pillow next to her and closed her eyes for the dial tone. ‘I can’t come to the phone right now.’ She expected and listened out for the voice that never came.   
“Hello?”  
Gigi leapt up, smacking her head on the ceiling and wincing in pain.  
“Gigi?” Crystal came again. “Is that you? Are you alright?”  
“Yeah, yeah, it’s me, sorry.” She whimpered, laying herself back down on the bunk. She checked the time, 3:15am, Crystal was too in thought to sleep. She knew her so well.   
“Are you okay? Why did you call me?’  
“I’ve not been long off the stage.”   
“And?”  
Gigi thought back to only a couple of hours ago, looking through a crowd of people somewhere in the middle of Italy and searching for Crystal’s pale face. She was never here because she never came. There was always the element of looking but she was becoming readily devoid of her searches coming up to nothing.  
“Well, I was looking for you.”  
“I don’t suppose you had much luck.” Crystal laughed to herself. “I mean, I’m in Seattle and you’re in Rome.”  
“I know.” Gigi answered. “The thrill without you here…it just isn’t the same.”  
There was silence between them as Gigi lay back her head and began to cry inaudible tears. There were so many things she wanted to say. She wanted to tell her that she had ha d a terrible time on the road and the she needed to come home more than she needed anything. She wanted to tell her that she was dying inside and didn’t know if she would ever get back the pieces of herself that she lost to all the terrible things she had done. There was a wound inside of her that was bleeding and making her sick. Everything was a wound, and these days, Heidi could barely talk about home without taking off the band-aid and making Gigi bleed all over again. There was so much she wanted to say.

“The thrill can’t all be gone.” Crystal spoke, softly. “You were performing before you even met me.”  
“I know.” Gigi wiped her face down. She was sweating and couldn’t gage as to why. She began to audibly tear up.   
“I love preforming.” Her voice shook. “I love it so much, Crystal, you know? I get out on that stage and I just think about how I used to bust my ass for minimum wage eleven hours a day just to support myself. Now what? I earn enough money to buy two, three houses. I never thought it would be like that for me. I never had that. It’s like a drug to me. The lights and the crowds, all of it. I don’t know why they pay me; I should be paying them.”  
“I love you when you’re passionate.”  
“I love you all the time.” Gigi laughed, sniffling.   
“Are you crying?”   
“Yes. Please come out here, Crystal, please. I’ll fly you out right now.”  
“No…..I…uh” She fumbled. “I don’t want to. I can’t see you right now.”  
“Please, Crystal, I love you so much, I am so lost without you.”  
“Don’t fuck with me, Gigi.” Crystal’s tone was stern and narrow, warning Gigi to stop before she ruined something good.   
“I’m not.”  
“You are. I said I couldn’t go. You’re being cruel.”   
“I don’t want to be cruel to you, Crystal, I love you.”  
“If you loved me, then you wouldn’t feel the need to keep saying so.” She was practically yelling. Gigi could almost tell that she was staring at the empty house just across the river. “I would know by the way you left me alone and didn’t force yourself on me like some kind of…..some kind of maniac!”   
“You’re being cruel, Crystal. Can’t you see I needed you?”  
“Need me?” Crystal sighed. “Grow up. You and I are absolutely over, there is nothing left there now. You can’t need me anymore.”  
The silence came back. Gigi could not even believe how far away they were pushed now and the fact they were ever lovers was unbelievable.   
“I have to go.” She spoke, quickly, knowing Gigi would stay in silence forever. “Don’t call me again. Enjoy your tour.”  
There were no words to describe how Gigi went to bed that evening. There was much hatred for herself, anger for Crystal and general disdain for the world that she hurled in the foetal position for an hour after the woman hung up. For a crime of passion, Gigi would always pay more than what she owed.

It only took another month before the terrible thing happened. Only another thirty days, having passed Christmas just barely and ending up in the slow slope of January, Heidi came home with her fiancée. The other girls stood behind them, three or four bags of belongings on each arm, looking tired and neglected. There had been nothing on the news about the tour and Crystal became confused watching them from her big window. Only Gigi was missing, so where was she? She could not let time go by without knowing.   
She ran down, found that a storm was brewing and leapt out into the rain.  
“Heidi.”  
The girl was opening the door.  
“Heidi! Heidi!”  
She dropped the bags and turned around to see a tiny wet figure yelling from over the river before handing the keys to her fiancé to attend to it.  
“Crystal!’ She yelled over the sound of rain hitting the water. “Why are you her?! I thought you’d have gone back to your parents by now!”  
“Why are you back?” She yelled, not even noticing the question.  
“The tours cancelled!”   
“What? Why?”  
“You don’t know?” The taller girl came. “Gigi didn’t tell you?”  
“We haven’t spoken!”  
“Alright.” Heidi pointed to the open door of her house.” Come over so I can tell you. It’s about her dad!”  
Crystal did not even bother dressing the occasion and began to run to cross the river. She knew Gigi’s dad had always been important to her and silently prayed that nothing bad would happen even though she knew it already had. She recalled the stories of them crossing the country together, helping her with instruments, and teaching her to play. Crystal knew she would be in pain when she found out, and that many feelings she was hiding away would come to the forefront. She would care again just like she had before. Even if she knew this, nothing could have prepared her for time in her life was about to go through.


End file.
